Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Angus McSugarTuchus

A hay-nan-nanny and a hah-cha-cha, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.

Kim Kardashian said there was a 0% chance her mom, Kris, would ever speak to Caitlyn Jenner again after her book. What’s that? Caitlyn caused “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” ratings to raise? This just in: Kris Jenner welcomes back Caitlyn with open arms.

Khloe Kardashian and Kendall Jenner have been accused of stealing fashion designs. That is silly. Even stealing something requires doing some work. 

In the 2016 elections, Russia interfered with 39 state’s voting systems. This explains why Nebraska elected a congressman named Putin McPutinface.

In his Senate testimony, Atty Gen., Jeff Sessions, called charges of collusion “an appalling and  detestable lie.” And then Sessions adjusted his bonnet and hoop skirt.

LA Dodger, Yasiel Puig, gave Cleveland fans two middle fingers. Puig now claims he was just trying to help them add the two RBI’s he scored to their score sheet. 

Or as they call two middle fingers in New York: a high-two.

A trading card company is betting the value of an autographed LaVar Bell trading card, not his son, Lonzo, the father LaVar, is worth $60. That sounds right. Wait. $60 is what LaVar would pay us to take the card, right?

Remember when Dusty Baker’s 3-year-old son, Darren, had to be swept up at home plate by JT Snow in the World Series? Darren was drafted today by the Washington Nationals. Go ahead and sit down.