Wally's a goose,
He's not a moose
He's on the loose
And full of juice, 
Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Counting Russian hookers, the James Comey memo is now the second most serious thing that has been leaked on Donald Trump. 

Tiger Woods told police he was on Vicodin and Xanax during his DUI. And before that Tiger was on Senextra and Felascian but those were strippers, not pills.

They spotted a rare albino baby dolphin in Monterey Bay. They think the albino dolphin is in trouble, not its health, but because it used the N-word. 

Tristen Thompson’s NBA finals slump has been blamed on his dating Khloe Kardashian and the silly Kardashian jock-curse. Kardashian women have been blamed for the tail-spin of careers of Kris Humphries and Reggie Bush, they put Lamar Odom in a coma and made Bruce Jenner a woman and OJ Simpson a killer, but, oh my god, Tristen, break up with Khloe right now. 

In North Carolina, a pretty, brunette 25-year-old female math teacher, Erin McCauliffe, was arrested for having sex with three male students. She was charged with three counts of sexual activities with a student, and the three students were charged with excessive high-fiving. 

Erin claims she was just teaching them how many time 3 goes into 25. 

My math teacher had a hairy mole and a glass eye that made everyone she questioned ask, “Who me?” 

Since you asked:

As the story goes, Thomas A. Edison was sent home from school as a child with a note he was instructed not to read, but to give to his mother. Upon reading the note, Mrs. Edison’s eyes welled with tears. She said; 

“It says, “Your son is a genius and we can no longer give him the education he needs. Please homeschool him.”

So Thomas Edison is homeschooled by his beloved mother, a great teacher, and grows up to be the greatest inventor of all time. 

After his dear mother passed passed, Thomas went through her desk drawers and found the letter from his teacher. He opened it and it said,

“Your soon is an imbecile and we will not teach him anymore. He is expelled.”

So what did we learn? 

Thomas Edison’s mother was a liar.