A man on a United flight from Houston to Calgary was stung by a scorpion. Finally some good news for United. 

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The US is prepared to strike North Korea with missiles if they trigger a nuclear weapons test. Kim Jong Un was so upset by this, he could not finish his BBQ poodle. 

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Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort received 13 health violations during a kitchen inspection. Some of the employees were not washing their hands after grabbing pussies. What? There are cats on the property. 

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Yesterday Donald Trump reversed four campaign promises in one day. Trump has not spun around that much since he walked into the Miss Universe dressing room. 

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Former NFL player, Louis Murphy, was arrested for carrying a loaded gun in the Tampa airport. It didn’t help Murphy’s case when he told police he needed the gun for protection when buying cocaine.

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Syria’s president, Assad, claimed the video of the young victims from the gas attack were faked. Some experts feel this will not help Assad’s campaign for the Nobel Peace Prize. 

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The attorney for Dr. Dao, who was dragged off of the United flight, said his client has a severe concussion. And a broken nose. And a laceration. And whiplash. Oh, and his back went out. And a severe case of PTSD. Huh? Oh, also ringing in the ears. What? Diarrhea? How the hell did you . . . ? OK, diarrhea. An STD? Come on, Dr. Dao."


Since you asked;

Politics aside, I am not exactly torn up about some wonderful American sunshine being blown up the asses of 36 ISIS terrorists.