Monday, March 27, 2017

“60 Minutes,” just did a story on fake news. Although I’m not sure I believe it. 

The economy is tough. For a fee, Russian hackers are now offering to rig your pants. 

Since “60 Minutes,” did a story of opponents of Vladimir Putin getting poisoned, more Putin critics have been poisoned. Today Donald Trump just named Chris Christie Sec. of Food Tasting. 

A study claims staring at boobs for ten minutes a day increases your lifespan. Wow, Dolly Parton is going to live forever.

In Mexico, they arrested the second accomplice in the Tom Brady stollen jersey caper. For the love of god, Rob Gronkowski, get some help. 

“60 Minutes,” just did a story on how you can trump up your Twitter retweets and likes. Not to mention any names, but someone is jacking up their twitter-likes bigly.  

In the NCAA tournament you have Gonzaga versus South Carolina in the semis. Once I heard about a guy who went to Las Vegas and caught Gonzaga in his Gamecock, but the penicillin cleared it up.

The economy is tough. Harrison Ford had to crash-land his plane because he ran out of gas.

The economy is tough. Barack Obama had to wire-tap a brokerage firm to get investment tips for his retirement. 

Two teenage girls were not allowed to board a flight from Minneapolis to Denver because they were wearing spandex. That is harsh. Now any man over 40 in bike shorts? They should be on the no-fly list.

For the first time, the South Carolina Gamecocks are in the NCAA final four. Remembers, guys, if your gamecock lasts over four hours, call a doctor. 

41-year-old Facebook pioneer, Taner Halicioglu, donated $75 mil to his alma mater, UCSD. Or as parents call that: paying tuition.

The rumor is NFL teams are afraid of picking Colin Kaerpernick for fear of getting a nasty tweet from Trump. If she could throw into cover 2 defense in the red zone, NFL teams would sign Typhoid Mary. 

Kentucky lost to North Carolina 75-73 on a buzzer beater. People in Kentucky have not been this depressed since they made it illegal to bring your sister to the prom.