Thursday, March 09, 2017

It was kind of an awkward moment when they asked Donald Trump about “Day Without A Woman.” “It was tough,” said Trump, “Guys had to grab themselves.” 

A man on a Hawaiian Airlines flight from Las Vegas to Honolulu, caused the flight to be diverted to LA after a fight with a flight attendant over paying $12 for a blanket. And even though they were not involved, Spirit Airlines charged the man a $20 bedding negotiating fee.

During a Florida arson trial, a lawyer’s pants caught on fire. As soon as the prosecutor cited the obvious “Liar, liar, pants on fire,” objection, the defense shouted the classic rejoinder, “I know you are, but what am I?”     

In CT, a 74-year-old man was arrested after he destroyed half-a-dozen of Kim Kardashian’s selfie book, “Selfish,” in a book store. He was charged with vandalism, extreme good taste and temporary sanity.

He was also charged with willful neglect for not destroying all 12 books. 

A study claims people are giving up on diets and exercise. The study was conducted in five minutes inside the closest Waffle House.

New England Patriot receiver, Julian Edelman, and Adriana Lima have broken up. Sadly this leaves the Patriots with only one handsome multi-millionaire living with a Brazilian super model, Tom Brady. Clearly the Pats need to pick up another Brazilian Super Model in the draft. 

Since you asked:

Donald Trump dreamed of being an NFL owner, but the elite/snotty NFL owners would neither touch Trump nor his tackiness with a ten-foot gold-lacquered pole.

But the desperate USFL let Trump own a team and boy did Trump prove the pious NFL owners right. Trump not only ruined his team, the New Jersey Generals, by forcing them to move to the Fall, Trump ruined the entire league.

As I have said before, for an alleged great businessman, Trump has somehow managed to fail at selling booze, gambling, steaks and football to Americans. 

As Charles Blow in “The New York Times” OP-ED put it so well:

“Trump became the idiot’s image of an intellectual, the coward’s image of a courageous man and the pauper’s image of a prosperous man.”

And yet, at some point, you have to admire Trump’s Mister Magoo-like ability to dodge bullets. He keeps using the Dead Cat Trump Thump over and over and over. 

To reiterate, the Dead Cat Trump Thump is when, no matter how much people are screaming about his taxes and the Russians, Trump is able to toss a dead cat on the conference table - Obama's bugging - and people talk about the dead cat. 

Ex-Yankee, Alex Rodriguez, is dating Jennifer Lopez. Perfect. These divas two are lightening - excuse me - rods for controversy. Depending on who you talk to, without the letters in J.Lo and A-Rod, you cannot spell the words Lord or Odor.

Or Door, but that doesn't really apply.

The question is, when they break up, who will get custody of the term: Huge Ass.