Monday, March 13, 2017

Alex Rodriguez and Jennifer Lopez are dating. Together A-Rod and J-Lo form the rapping couple name: JA Drool. 

Kellyanne Conway suggested Donald Trump may have been tapped through his TV and his microwave oven. And, she added, their toaster oven was looking shady as hell.

When asked for comment, the White House asked to couch the discussion.

For the first time ever, Northwestern’s basketball team is in the NCAA Tournament. Known for its academics, Northwestern will have to work on its trash talking. “Say there, athletic combatant, your kinetic skills are lugubrious at best,” simply will not cut it.

Two schools, Northwestern and Vanderbilt, more known for their academics, will face off together in the NCAA Tournament. To commemorate this, they have agreed to trash talk in latin. Tu Momma Suckus. 

Actually, Northwestern does not trash talk.  They use verbal recycling. 

For the second time, Radio Shack has declared bankruptcy. Is there anything sadder than a shack with a foreclosure sign on it?

Muhammad Ali Jr. was detained at the airport a second time. And you don’t want to know what happened to his traveling partner, Joe Frazier's son, Osama bin Frazier. 

Radio Shack has declared bankruptcy for the second time. And here I did not even know Donald Trump had turned Radio Shack into a casino. 

Kellyanne Conway suggested Donald Trump may have been tapped through his microwave oven. That doesn’t seem possible to me, but then I cannot fathom why a burrito heated in a microwave takes longer to cool down than it does to cook. 

Kellyanne is one nutty statement away from being the woman in our neighborhood with all the cats whose scary, rundown house we were not allowed to go to on Halloween. 

Michigan football’s latest recruiting class features nine lineman between 278 and 335 pounds. In a related story, Ann Arbor’s Olive Garden just changed their never-ending pasta bowls to ending-fairly-soon pasta bowls.


In his blog, ex-slugger, Sammy Sosa, denied his positive steroid tests, compared his travails to Jesus and claimed to introduce Chicago to the world. So much for those rumors of Sosa being a psycho primma donna. 

Is there anything more annoying than an overly self-important blogger?  That was a rhetorical question, Daaaaryllll. 


Kale is the food equivalent of Haiku.

Who would have thought that Inspector Gadget would come up in a quote about national security?

John Lennon was weird and, besides “Imagine,” a little overrated. (Remember, he chose to foist us with Yoko Ono)

Sports are vitally important to our culture and anyone who doesn’t agree is a dick. Straight up. 

Pit bulls are adorable right until you read about one mauling a child.

People are terrified of being alone and their addiction to their cell phone is proof.

Never in the history of our country’s political process has their been such incessant whining. Both winners and losers.

If we were secretly recorded while driving alone in our cars, not many of us would be considered good people. 

My daughter, at age 7, heard that breathing in the air from microwave popcorn can burn your lungs. She interpreted that to mean breathing anywhere around a microwave could burn your lungs. So she would loudly inhale and hold her breath when walking past the microwave in the kitchen. Like we had a mini Chernobyl in our kitchen. 

That is now the second silliest misconception of the powers of a microwave oven. 

Tip to new parents: Remember, everybody poops. It just that some of us do it better than others.