Monday, February 06, 2017

Have you heard of the new KFC Falcon platter? It starts off great, but then you choke on it. 

Today the Atlanta Falcon saw its shadow and predicted six more months of choking jokes.

Tom Brady claims someone stole his winning Super Bowl jersey. That’s the last time they invite Winona Ryder into the locker room.

Someone stole Tom Brady’s winning Super Bowl jersey. We know it wasn’t an Atlanta Falcon, they did not have Brady’s number all day. 

I don’t want to say the Atlanta Falcons choked, but it was the worst result for a bird since Thanksgiving.

Someone stole Tom Brady’s Super Bowl jersey. Police have issued a description. Apparently the jersey has a #12 on it and it smells like money, super model affection and winning.

The Atlanta Falcons’ Alex Mack is playing in the Super Bowl despite having a broken bone in his leg. And I once called in sick with the hiccups.

There was an awkward moment when the Patriots won the Super Bowl. Sarah Palin Tweeted she wanted to congratulate the city of New England. 

While carrying the Super Bowl trophy, NFL great, Willie McGinest dropped F-bombs. McGinest dropped so many F-bombs Madonna called in to “Fox” to complain.  

Tom Brady and the Patriots went through Atlanta faster than anyone. Even General Sherman had to stop and light buildings on fire. 

The Atlanta Falcons blew a 25 point lead to the Patriots. The biggest blown lead ever without someone using a private email server.

To give you an idea how icy the Super Bowl Trophy exchange was between Roger Goodall and Bob Kraft? The Lombardi Trophy experienced shrinkage. 

Thoughts on Super Bowl Lie: (LI)

Steve Spicer is congratulating the Falcons on their record Super Bowl win. 

If Gronk and Lady Gaga hooked up, would they be Lanky Good Gra? 

Gronk kissed the Lombardi Trophy and now the Lombardi Trophy has a shanker sore on its lip.
(We kid and like the Gronk)

A Hamas explosives expert, Muhammad Hemada Walid al-Quqa, died after he blew off his arms and legs. As to what exactly went wrong, Hamas was stumped.

In other news:

Hooters is opening new restaurants called Hoots that feature no skimpy outfits and male servers. Apparently Hooters got tired of counting all the money they were making. 

Convicted dog-fighting felon, Michael Vick, announced his retirement from the NFL. Vick only played in 5 games in 2015 and did not play last year. That is like Vanilla Ice withdrawing his name from contention for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.