We got the hinky and the stinky, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Donald Trump met with Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. As Tinder calls it, swipe left, swipe right. 

Awkward moment when they asked White House press secretary, Sean Spicer, what he thought about the Oroville dam threat. He said, “First of all, there’s no need to swear.”

The San Diego Boozefighter’s Motorcycle Club burned down. Sad because, for some reason, a biker club devoted to drunken bar fights was not able to get insurance. 

Derek Jeter and his super-model wife, Hannah Davis, are expecting a baby. It is so nice to see Derek finally catch a break. Maybe fatherhood will finally give him the motivation to succeed. 

US authorities say the missile that North Korea launched exceeded prior performances. Namely it left the ground before exploding.  

Oakland Raider Aldon Smith is under investigation for a “domestic incident.” And I’m guessing that isn’t missing his turn to wash the dishes.

Did you see Lady Gaga’s dress at the Grammys? She not only violated the Grammy-no-side-boob rule, she had bottom-boob and top-boob. It was all boob. Like Sean Spicer.

Today the New York Knicks upset the San Antonio Spurs, 94-90. It was even more of an upset than Charles Oakley was upset when he was ejected. 

At the Grammys, CeeLo Green showed up covered head-to-toe in gold. There was an awkward moment when Donald Trump’s people tried to buy CeeLo as a lawn ornament.

There were a few political moments during the Grammys. Like when Adele dedicated her “Album of the Year” to Beyonce and Nordstrom. 

There were major technical difficulties during the Grammys. Lady Gaga and Adele’s mics went out. Thanks again, Russian hackers.

At the Grammys, Adele dedicated her “Album of the Year” to Beyonce. And she thanked the three security guards who kept Kanye West off the stage.

Science ewe ascot: 

The Chargers move to Los Angeles is not being well-received. This despite the precedent of moving a team from San Diego to Los Angeles by a team owner every bit as liked and respected as Dean Spanos: Donald Sterling.

Steven Mnuchin confirmed as treasury secretary. In the small world department, Mnuchin at Goldman used to be covered at my old company, Hilliard Farber and Co., by my buddy, Vinny Abate, who died in the tower on 9/11 working for Cantor Fitzgerald.   

In the interesting crap department, there is no Fitzgerald in Cantor Fitzgerald. They just wanted a real waspy sounding name to counter Cantor. 

As an amateur Alcatraz fan, what would you guess if I told you, of the two most famous prisoners of Alcatraz, Al Capone and Robert “The Birdman of Alcatraz” Stoud, one was beloved and one was hated?

Which one was which?

Capone was beloved. 

Al was funny, popular and could get things for people he liked. He also turned the rock's kitchen from spaghetti that caused a riot to one of the best pasta kitchens in the Bay Area. (This was before syphilis turned his brain into overcooked lasagna)

Yes, Al Capone killed a lot of people. And it was true, one with a baseball bat at a banquet room in the Palmer House. But many respected observers, including many Chicago cops, granted they were on the payroll, swear Al only killed genuinely bad guys. 

The problem the cops and the public had with Al was prostitution. Wives do not like that. If Al had stayed clear of hookers, he could have been left alone by the cops. They did not care about booze and gambling. Hookers was another matter. 

And, if Al had stayed clear of whores, he wouldn't have caught the syphilis that croaked him. 

Capone invented the soup kitchen. Most people who knew him said if he had led a straight life, Capone would have been a great CEO of a huge corporation. 

Robert Stroud had no birds at Alcatraz - he had them at Leavenworth. He was annoyingly smart and was described as immensely contrary, irritating and unlikable. Very different to the gentle soul Burt Lancaster portrayed in “Birdman of Alcatraz” which, because Stroud was so unpopular with the Alcatraz guards, they never let him see.