Wednesday, October 05, 2016

Mike Pence is Clutch Cargo

ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has been poisoned in Iraq. And here I did not know Iraq had a Chipotle.

It has been a bad week for ISIS: they lost ground in Aleppo. One of their spokespeople was killed by a drone, their other has been poisoned. And somebody leaked to “The New York Times” they have not paid taxes in 18 years. 

Kim Kardashian is going to write a book about being robbed of her jewelry at gunpoint in Paris. It’s called, “Why Do Bad Things Happen To Rich and Augmented People?”

A Montana man is OK after being attacked by a female bear twice. He would only have been attacked once, but, after the first attack by the female bear, he made a “that time of month” joke.

The scary clown phenomena has swept the country. Especially a scary and angry orange-faced clown with hay stack hair. Oh, sorry, that is Donald Trump.

A 102-year-old St. Louis woman got arrested so she could cross it off her bucket list. The arrest wasn’t nearly as cute for the 40-year-old guy arrested for hiring her as a hooker.

How is it possible there are no pictures of the robbers of the most photographed person in human history, Kim Kardashian? Kim’s gynecologist sends her pictures to TMZ. 

ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has been poisoned in Iraq. They got him to eat bad pot stickers at the Mosul Thank Allah It’s Friday. 

A poll reveals 40% cannot name the vice presidential candidates, Tim Kaine and Mike Pence. And that is a poll of the people on their staff. 

Ryan Lochte and Vanilla Ice had a bromance on “Dancing with the Stars,” but Vanilla Ice was just voted off. Or as Ryan described it, Vanilla Ice was captured by Brazilian spies.

Kim Kardashian was bound, gagged and robbed by masked gunmen in her Paris hotel. After thoroughly questioning Kim, Paris police also gagged Kim Kardashian. 

Hurricane Matthew continues to wreak havoc. Don’t confuse this with hurricane Matthew Perry. That hurricane will threaten to become huge and then just peter out due to rumors of being difficult. 

Not one of the top 100 company’s CEOs have endorsed Donald Trump. Or as Trump calls CEO’s “Clowns Employed by Others.”