You best get to going true, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Speedo has officially cut ties with Ryan Lochte. It was sad. They asked for their potato back and everything.

Speedo told Ryan to take the sock from his Speedos and stuff it in his mouth. 

In Rio, despite rumors of street crime, the men’s marathon was completed without incident. Of course they did steer clear of the notorious Shell gas station attendants. 



Ralph Lauren pulled Ryan Lochte from their ads. Speedo has fired him and now, because his hair in no longer blue, his deal with the Smurfs is off. 



Ralph Lauren just cut ties with Ryan Lochte, Speedo fired him and now Ryan’s newest sponsor is pulling out: Summer’s Eve.



Ryan Lochte lost his sponsorship with Gentle Hair Removal. That’s a tough sponsor to lose after Brazil.



Ryan Lochte is considering checking into rehab. Apparently he is tired of getting Lochte and loaded.

Since you asked:
Anyone who was under the mistaken idea Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style” isn’t funny? They said the world inflammable confused people that "in" makes it mean “not combustable.” So for this reason, trucks driving explosives and gasoline were changed to “Flammable.” So unless you’re driving such a truck and are concerned about the welfare of children and illiterates, use inflammable. 

That is good stuff. Oh, and aggravate and irritate mean different things. Aggravate means to add to a bad situation. Irritate is to  chafe, annoy. 

Some of my favorite words:

Stallion.

Cougar

Orange

Brigantine, Schooner

Creek

Javelin

Credenza

Gear 

Firestone

Galaxy

Tackle

Flannel 

Surf

Avocado

Oak, Elm, Cherry and Redwood

Harmonica

Arrow

Soap

Wine

Cherokee

Santa Barbara

Fort, Presidio

Puppy

Mustang

Cinnamon 

Touchdown

Tenderloin

Lion

August

Margarita

Coffee

Apache

Shoreline

Vestibule 

Caucus

Kentucky  

Tomorrow we do funny words


Speedo dropping Ryan Lochte has made me sentimental for the story of when Ryan was first signed by Speedo. He was taken under the watchful eye of Pierre, the Speedo rep from France.

Pierre took Ryan to Malibu beach to model their Speedos, but at the end of the day, Ryan was upset by all the attention Pierre was getting from the laaaaaadies, and yet he got none.

“Let me give you zee little secret, Ryan.” Said Pierre. “You need to take a little potato and put it in your Speedo. Zee ladies will go mad, you see.”

The next day all the women were all over Pierre and none of them paid any attention to poor, young Ryan Lochte. Pierre consoled poor Ryan and said,


“Ryan. Let me give you zee one more secret. You know zat potato? Put it down the front of your Speedo.”