Now that's a funky town I don't want you to take me to, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Two dangerously mentally-ill men have escaped from a Washington State Psychiatric hospital. They are at large and considered extremely Gary Busey-like.

They cancelled the Khloe Kardashian show, “Kocktails with Khloe.” There is no truth to the rumor it will be replaced with “Lines With Lamar.” 

Campaigning in a new York subway, Hillary Clinton had a hard time getting her MetroCard to swipe. Turns out she was using her Goldman Sachs Diamond-Club Credit Card by mistake. 

Today is National Beer Day. It's part of Fat Ass Americans History Month. 

New York Jet, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, is retiring after 10 years and only missing one snap. He may go down in history as the greatest player ever named D’Brickashaw.