"Schnikey, Mikey, Nike, Crikey."

At the debate Donald Trump assured us he has a big enough penis to be president. Wasn’t it the great patriot, Patrick Henry, who said, “Give me a president with a big schmecky or give me death?” 

TMZ is reporting the LAPD is finally investigating a knife that was discovered buried on OJ Simpson’s property years ago. That is some crack police work. And they might have a new lead on the Lindbergh baby. 

The LAPD said they got the tip from this new and exciting thing people call the Internet. 

No, I meant it. That is some crack police work. And by that I mean I think the LAPD are on crack.