Shock Top Wedge: “Hey, TJ, you look like a deranged hipster chipmunk.”

TJ: “You look like The Last of the Mohican Bro' Garnishes.”

STW: “What does T.J. stand for? Talent Jonesing? ” 

TJ: “You do know cocaine is illegal even for wise-ass beer taps?” 

STW: “I like the way your voice makes me feel good about being sober.”

TJ: “Have orange slices not gotten the word wearing sunglasses inside makes you a douche?” 

STW: "Isn't it time to Febreze your beard?" 

TJ: "So what hurt more, getting sliced or having Amber Rose stick you on that beer tap?" 

STW: "Which of your leading men do you have a bigger crush on, Paul Rudd or Ryan Reynolds?"