Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Led Zeppelin is being sued for stealing the guitar introduction to “Stairway to Heaven.” You know who really wrote it? Amy Schumer.

Many questions surrounding the aging Peyton Manning For example: is he finally going to get an underwear commercial? Depends. 

Chris Christie has dropped out of the presidential race. The presidential race then flies up in the air and lands with a crash. 

Rumor has it, Kim Kardashian has kicked Kanye West out of their house. Wonder if Amber Rose will show Kanye how to sneak in the back door?

Kanye West took to Twitter to proclaim: “Bill Cosby is Innocent.” Clearly Kanye also likes to have his head up his ass. 

In snowy New Hampshire, Jeb Bush threw a snowball at an NBC reporter. On the bright side, Jeb finally made contact with a voter. 

Because of a worsening political climate Somali, pirating may increase. They target oil tankers and the pirates want to sell it to Arrrrrrrco. 

Kanye West has finally named his album T.L.O.P. and we have to figure out what it means. I am going for: Two Lost Obnoxious Pinkies.

A study in Sussex, England, claims horses can read human facial expressions. Horses can tell of you’re happy, sad, and if you’re Camilla Parker Bowles, they say; “Damn, she looks like me.” 
(Thanks, B.S.)

Since you asked:

Did not see Donald Trump winning big in New Hampshire. 

Most telling factor is, during an exit poll, 2 out 3 New Hampshire voters said they agreed with banning Muslims. Clearly New Hampshire is more of a red state than we thought. 

So I think, as much as the press hates to admit it, Trump’s faux tough-guy; “I would bring back a hell of a lot worse than water-boarding” and "Ted Cruz is a pussy" statements got traction with New Hampshire's closet right-wing, anti-government types. 

If Hillary wants to win - and we all know if there is one thing Hillary wants, it is to win - she has to stop chasing the left. Bernie Sanders has won the left. Period. Hillary needs to go almost Trump-like for the middle. That may be too needy and hypocritical even for "lifelong Cubs fan who shamelessly wore a Mets and Yankee hat" Hillary.  

It will be especially tough for Hillary to act tough on terrorism, which the middle and right eat up with a spoon. Hillary has been carrying the "Our biggest worry is Islamophobia" banner of the left for too long. Words cannot explain how little the middle cares about Islamophobia while not agreeing with Trump's banning of all Muslims either. 

And the war on terrorism will be fought by our military. Hillary has secretly despised our military her entire political life. That nasty, nasty secret will catch up to her. 

Oh, and a tragedy called Benghazi. Hillary lied about it, emailed about it on her private email and then deleted those emails. But as far as I know, unlike her haters have accused, Hillary did not email instructions to the terrorists on how to get into the compound. So she has that much going for her. 

On the bright side for Hillary, Carly Fiorina just dropped out and Hillary will pick up those votes. These are voters who only want to vote for a woman, democrat or republican, it does not matter. 

So, again, unless Hillary dives headlong after the middle, her race is over. And I would hate to see her race end. And not just as a comedy writer. Hate her or not, Hillary is a qualified candidate. Those Clintons have more lives, brains and tricks than most. Hillary will need all of them to stay alive.

As the race slogs on and gets uglier and uglier, I have to believe Cruz, Rubio and Bush will have no choice but to sling the mud on Trump that are the endless stories of Trump's lying, cheating and stealing  against fellow republicans in business deals. In short, Trump committing right-wing financial fratricide. 

(How am I not getting paid for these pearls?) 

It bears repeating, Donald Trump is such a world-class douche that he got fired from his own wildly profitable TV show.  He was fired by an industry - called entertainment - that is famous for putting up with anyone who makes money. Even Bill Cosby. 

Donald Trump has to have more ghosts in his closet than Ebenezer Scrooge could imagine. 

Oh, it is a ponderous chain.