Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Donald Trump is calling for a boycott of Starbucks because of the lack of Christmas symbols on their holiday red cups. To appease Trump, Starbucks is making a red Christmas cup in honor of Trump’s wife and two former wives: It says; “Ho, Ho, Ho.” 

Dr. Ben Carson claims, in his biography, “Gifted Hands,”that, at 14, he tried to stab a kid but failed. CNN researched it and said the story is not true. You know you had a rough week when you try to tell people you’re a failed murderer and they call you a liar.

And now it is time for a new feature all the good people here at a.L.b.b. call:

Commokes From The Jamoke

(Commoke. Noun. Combination Comment and Joke)

answers.com is, without any doubt, the most evil and sinister website on the Internet. Those minions of satan pick topics you cannot resist, like “Hollywood Movie Stars Who Are Sex Addicts,” and it throws you into a a nightmare of a slow, freezing site that constantly tricks you into clicking on their ads. Three commercials will run at the same time. 

A sinkhole outside of a Mississippi IHOP swallowed twelve cars. Out of habit, the waitress, Doris, asked the sinkhole; “Would you like anything else, honey?” 

Thank god baseball season is over for no other reason than the awful GMC commercial that says; “A pitcher who paints the corners is called a Rembrandt.” No pitcher in the history of baseball has ever been called a Rembrandt.

Saw a great Smithsonian HD documentary on Netflix; “Apocalypse: The Second World War.” On the Eastern front, Russian and Nazi soldiers, while on their way to probably getting blown up, burned to death or shot, in addition to starving and freezing with no sleep, they had lice and scabies which drove many of them insane from itching. 

And typhus. They also had typhus. 

The typhus gave them diarrhea twenty times a day, but it was so cold, if they took their pants all the way off, they would freeze to death. So, to go poop, doctors ordered them to rip the seam in the back of their pants. 

And your problems are what?

The wheels have come off the San Diego Chargers. It would crush me to see the Bolts move to Los Angeles, but if they do, fine. Let's turn San Diego into during-the-season Pro Bowl. Five or six times a year have two teams from cold weather climates play their games here. There are so many fans from Cleveland, Buffalo, Green Bay, Pittsburgh, New York and Chicago here, they would always sell out.

And the players love coming here. So does Mike Tirico.