Wednesday, September 09, 2015

It is hot. It is so hot in Los Angeles, illegal immigrants are walking into the “Donald Trump for President” campaign office just to get the cold shoulder.

A 30-year-old woman in Waco Texas, stopped for a traffic drug bust, was discovered to have a loaded pistol in her vagina. How did she get it in there? With Smith and Wesson oil.

It is so hot in LA, the Silver Lake hipsters had to choose between turning on the environment-ruining air conditioning in their Prius’s or taking off their wool hats.

It is so hot in LA I pitched a biopic about Donald Trump just to get icy stares from liberal studio execs.

It turns out Tom Brady is a fan of Donald Trump. We should not be surprised, they have a lot in common: they are both rich and wear a helmet all the time.

A 30-year-old woman in Waco Texas, Gabriele Garcia, arrested for a traffic drug bust, was discovered to have a loaded pistol in her vagina. Even more shocking was the discovery of the holster and two boxes of ammo.

In an interview on “Ellen” Caitlyn Jenner said she recently was not for gay marriage. Jenner feels marriage should be between a woman and a man in a woman’s body who gets divorced three times.

Mike Ditka is a big fan of Donald Trump. Thus Trump has locked down the all-essential cigar-chomping, megalomaniac blow-hard vote.

 Since you asked:

So Mike Ditka teaming with Donald Trump makes perfect sense.

My theory is that great towns and cities are indelibly marked by their glory eras, Chicago the roaring late ‘20’s, L.A. the studio era ‘50’s, New York the post-war late ‘40’s, San Francisco the turn-of-the-century, Santa Fe and Santa Barbara, the cowboy and rancher/Zorro era of the 1880’s.

This is also true of Trump and Ditka and the Seventies.

There was a very distinct animal in the Seventies. It was aging businessmen who wanted to look hip and younger so they could cash in on the hippy free love era and get laid. (The archetype was portrayed beautifully in “Shampoo” by the great character actor, Jack Warden)

So they grew out sideburns, had their hair go a tad longer and used words like baby, cool and groovy all the time.

Donald Trump and Mike Ditka will always be those Seventies guys.

The Chicago Cubs need to pay me to stop watching their games. Today I turned the game on and they were winning 2-0 in St. Louis. They lost 4-3. And to a team who had a guy playing centerfield who cannot throw. No, I did not say he throws badly. He has an elbow injury and he cannot throw a baseball.

Almost every game I see gets rained out or the Cubs lose. Going by my experience the Cubs should be soggy cellar dwellers, not vying for a playoff spot.