Tuesday, September 08, 2015

During Ohio State’s 42-24 win over Virginia Tech, a Virginia Tech player, J. C. Coleman, was wearing a gold Rolex. Timex had a slogan: “It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.” Rolex might want to pass on: “It took a rumble but he still fumbled.”

Jon Hamm has split from his girlfriend of 18 years. For women excited by this information, there is a topic trending on Twitter #YouHaveZeroShot.

During Ohio State’s 42-24 win over Virginia Tech, a Virginia Tech player, J. C. Coleman, wore a gold Rolex. When asked why he wore a watch, Coleman said; “Because my gold iPhone broke during warm ups. Duh.”

After the Tom Brady Deflategate fiasco, NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell, told ESPN he would be willing to change roles in disciplining players. Roger will let someone else discipline the players while he counts his $44 mil. a-year salary.

Many US Open players complained bitterly about the air-conditioning in the locker room being too cold. “That must be awful,” said a single mother of three little kids in a tiny 107-degree, roach-infested apartment in the Bronx.

Gosh. If only there was some way to combat being chilly in a locker room? Oh yeah. A jacket. 

Since you asked:

Here are some hit mostly 70’s and a few 80’s song we thought were good at the time, but turned out not to be good at all. Not awful songs, like “Brandy” and “The Night Chicago Died” and “Seasons in the Sun.” These are songs we first thought were good.

“Show Me the Way,” Peter Frampton. Let’s face it, Frampton was a pop bust. “Frampton Comes Alive” besides “Do You Feel Like We Do” was pretty bad. But his songs after that were awful.

“Ebony and Ivory.” What happens when arguably the two greatest music stars ever, Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson, get together? They laid this sappy turd. Good intentions, crappy song.

Tie between “Live and Let Die” and “Let ‘Em, In,” Paul McCartney had so many crappy songs with Wings, we are forced to deduct from his greatness with the Beatles. “Live and Let Die” had a rocking chorus, but the song sucked overall.

“Philadelphia Freedom.” It took almost one entire summer to realize this song sucked. Elton John was still a rock god at this point and was just starting to morph into a corny and campy lounge singer. Speaking of corny lounge singers.

“Uptown Girl,” Yes, we were all blinded by Christie Brinkley’s beauty and baffled at her attraction to Joel. This song was never as awful as “We Didn’t Start the Fire” but it was bad. Billy Joel was a glorified lounge singer. Yes, a damn good lounge singer, but a lounge singer. He was never going to be Springsteen Lite like he hoped.

“Oh Very Young” by Cat Stevens. Even before he turned into Yousaf Islam, Cat Steven could have some serious corny clunkers. And “Saturday Night” is not good too.

“A Horse with No Name.” Yes, we all like America, but anyone who tries to get away with lyrics like this should be shot. “’Cause there ain’t no one there to give you no pain?”

“I Shot the Sheriff.” Yes, Eric Clapton is my favorite of all time, yes, he introduces us to Bob Marley, yes, yes, yes. This song was not good.

Every single song by Boston.

Every single song by Rush.

Every single song by REO Speedwagon.

Every single song Rod Stewart did after Faces. Especially "Do You Think I'm Sexy."

"Shattered" Yes, I love the Rolling Stones above all groups besides Led Zeppelin and the early not-coked-out, egomaniacal Eagles. But this is a freaking disco song. 

Every single song by Jefferson Airplain/ Starship. Yes, I have sentimental spot in my heart for a girl named Maryann Lambert in high school for “Miracles” but those are some of the worst lyrics ever.

“Smoke on the Water.” Deep Purple sucked. Not Boston sucked, but they sucked.

“Dude” (Looks like a lady) Yes, I think Aerosmith is great. But even the Beatles had clunkers. “Yellow Submarine.”