Thursday, May 14, 2015

Jeb Bush is expected to announce his candidacy soon. That announcement will be as shocking as whenever Richard Simmons comes out of the closet.

In Florida, a 49-year-old grandmother in a bikini was arrested for drunk driving. Remember the old days when people thought California was the crazy state?

Former Dallas Cowboy, Micheal Irvin, said he wants to mentor Cowboy draft pick, Randy Gregory. Gregory said he appreciated Irvin’s offer, but he had no desire to use cocaine or sexually attack women.

The White House commented on Deflategate saying Tom Brady should be more mindful of being a role model. Really? Brady has won four Super Bowls and he’s married to a super model. The only way he could be more of a "super" role model is if he wore a cape and fought crime.

McDonalds has announced they will offer a kale salad. It is part of McDonald’s new “Our Customers Will Never Buy This” Menu.

A violinist named Jennifer Kim, who was in the Philadelphia train wreck that killed nine people and injured 150, tweeted a demand for Amtrak to return her violin. She should play the harmonica, because she really sucks and blows.

A woman in Australia has gone on 136 first dates in 17 months without one second date. It may not have been a good idea for her to use the name Kate Upton when she looked more like Blake Shelton.

Bill Cosby is going to Alabama to push for more education in rural areas. Which is an amazing coincidence, because Alabama is an old Choctow Indian word that means “Sex while she sleeps.”

He’s OK, but in Santa Barbara, a surfer got between a mama gray whale and her calf, so the whale smacked him with her side fin. It was like the time an intern tried to take one of Chris Christie’s French fries.