Friday, September 12, 2014

Random thoughts during the Baltimore Ravens 26-6 trouncing of the Steelers:
We made it through the game and Ben Roethlisberger didn’t rape anyone.
May have to recant my observation the new NFL rules put a skirt on the wide receivers. It is more like it puts a bright sundress with platform shoes.
The problem with the NFL can be summed up thusly: Commish, Roger Goodell, made $44 million last year. They pay the cheerleaders $20 a game.
Jim Nance is better at announcing golf than football.
Deion Sanders is a smug, stupid tool who was charged with domestic violence in 2012 and had no right to comment on Ray Rice. Sanders was a great player, he is a horrible broadcaster. Not Michael Irvin horrible, but still horrible.
NFL teams need to use the on-sides kick more and go for it on fourth down more. There should be a penalty for kicking off out of the back of the endzone. Kickoff returns are one of the most exciting things in football and we hardly ever get to see it.
I would say Ravens QB, Joe Flacco, had the personality of a dial tone, if, A, a dial tone had less personality and, B, anyone under 30 knew what a dial tone was.
The Packers have a rookie named HaHa Clinton-Dix. USC has a player named Juju Smith. We need to get the Packers to draft Smith so we can have HaHa and Juju on the same team.

In the wake of the Ray Rice elevator slugging video, now top back, Adrian Peterson, has been indicted for child injury. In a related story, the head of NFL public relations has quit and is now working for the less troubled group, ISIS.

In addition, the current supply of vodka and scotch at the NFL headquarters is running dangerously low. 

Celebrity homes were pounded by huge waves in Malibu. It was so bad it actually washed Bruce Jenner right out of his evening gown.

Malibu was hit with giant waves.  It was so bad it actually washed a person into a theater showing “Expendables 3.”

Malibu was hit with giant waves.  It was so bad it actually washed “Twilight” actress Kristen Stewart into an acting class.

Since you asked:

I love those cooking contest shows, especially "Chopped." One time this too-hip-to-live chef commented that he felt the level of his competitors, and the contents of the first appetizers box, were beneath him.
He then proceeded to use all the outside-the-box modernist cooking techniques of using liquid nitrogen, the freezer griddle, vacuum sealing and water cooking and a blow torch.
He was the first one kicked out.

Was he humbled? Embarrassed? Apologetic? No, he said the judges made a huge mistake and they were beneath him as well. 
Not proud of this, but I wrote down the name of his restaurant in Brooklyn, Les Bagga Douche, I think it was, and sent him an email informing him of what an utter tool he looked like on “Chopped.”
He did not respond.