Wednesday, May 29, 2013

That so do be how we do be do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

President Obama visited with New Jersey Gov. Christie to inspect the rebuilding after hurricane Sandy. Gov. Christie has lost weight. He has dropped one entire Snooki.

In New York, Starbucks employees are suing over who gets to keep the tips; so the question is, should the tips go to the guy who gets the order wrong or the barista who makes the order wrong?

“Inside the Actors Studio” host James Lipton admitted he was a Paris pimp in the 50’s. Asked the difference between the hookers and today’s celebrity actresses, Lipton said; “Class, style and professionalism. The hookers had those.”

A Royal Caribbean Cruise ship caught fire off the coast of Florida; nobody was hurt but the fire was serious, even the raw sewage couldn’t put it out.

New York City has a bike share, you put a credit card deposit down and you can take it out and ride it as long as you want as long as you put it back. They got the idea from guys who dated Madonna.

For the third year in a row, Australia is ranked the happiest place to live; they factored in the beaches, the weather, the nightlife and it’s vast distance from Newark, New Jersey.

For the third year in a row, Australia is ranked the happiest place to live; from a place where England dumped their nastiest prisoners to the happiest place on earth; see that, central Florida? There is hope.

The neighbor who called the LA cops to halt Justin Bieber’s speeding? Turns out it is former wide receiver, Keyshawn Johnson. When your behavior offends an ex-NFL receiver, it is time to clean up your act.

In a just world, Keyshawn bitch-slaps Justin until Bieber poops his droopy drawers.

Saw a clip of the reality show “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” And what would Ryan Lochte do? Apparently have his mother smoke a butt-ton of crack while pregnant with him.

Lex’s Favorite Things to Grill:

Fresh Fish. Mahi to Swordfish, the type doesn’t matter as much as the freshness.

Bone-in rib eye. Marinated in olive oil, rubbed with salt, pepper, garlic powder and finely ground French roast coffee.

Paella. Barbeque the chicken and sausage first then do the rest with the pan on the Weber. Add the chicken stock as you go as you do for Risotto.

Chicken thighs finished with Rachel Ray’s balsamic reduction sauce at the very end.

Barbeque Beef ribs braised in coke and beer. Finished on the grill for smoke and then barbeque sauce – the thick, molasses kind – at the very end.

Beer can chicken. Marinate the chicken in a quart of apple juice with a cup of sea salt.

Pork baby-back ribs. Apple juice and sea salt marinated, rubbed with garlic powder, pepper – no salt – smoked paprika and Old Bay seasoning, covered in tin foil and broiled in the oven at 225 for five hours and then finished on the grill with homemade peach barbeque sauce at the end.

Shrimp marinated in vegetable oil and rubbed with Old Bay, garlic powder and smoked paprika. Use soaked bamboo skewers. (Just saw a recipe where you add watermelon to the skewers. Awesome)

Corn for my grilled corn salsa. Corn, diced red onions, diced chilis, mayo, blast of balsamic and salt and pepper. Blue corn tortillas chips.  

Tri-tip for Santa Barbara-style barbecue.

How is this for a great story?

Personification-of-all-that-is-wrong-with-our-culture, Justin Bieber, is driving 100 mph in his one-canyon-east-of-Malibu-gated community in his Ferrari and his neighbor, playing with his kids in a park, Ex-NFL All-Pro Keyshawn Johnson, gets pissed, jumps in his Prius and follows Bieber, jumps out of his car to confront Justin, and Justin runs into his McMansion and hides in his giant home theater.

Now, remember, a fan in Dubai rushed Bieber, and Bieber fell flopping to the stage like a trout and ran off screaming like the 14-year-old girl he really is. 

Justin, he of the low-hanging baggy shants, tats, sideways flat-brim cap, total thug-wannabe-speak and pimp-strut versus, Keyshawn, a 6-5, 225 pounds, no fat, who could probably still be playing in the NFL if he wanted to. 

In a just world, when Keyshawn jumps out, Justin lets out a shriek that has dogs barking for miles, his jazz-hands flapping furiously, Justin then trips over his falling-down shants and Keyshawn bitch-slaps him until he Justin's his Biebers.