Saturday, May 25, 2013

Hate the game, not the player. Unless it is Tiger Woods, then do the opposite, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A study reveals addiction to online porn causes short-term memory loss; so guys, this is why you can never remember why your elbow hurts. 

Are people really surprised the IRS is interested in the Tea Party?  A group named after an historic tax revolt? If they weren’t interested, that would be like the CIA ignoring Terrorists R Us.

Amanda Bynes appeared in court for her marijuana charge wearing a long platinum blonde wig; it was weird, she kept asking everyone where are her dragons.

When they arrested her, Bynes yelled; “Don’t you know who I am?” She was charged with criminal possession of pot and impersonating Reese Witherspoon.

People are shocked at the anger aimed at the IRS. Why are they shocked? Everyone hates the IRS. The IRS is that person in the grocery store line who balances their checkbook before writing the check.

In New Jersey, the IRS has hit singer Mary J. Blige with a $3.8 Mil. tax lien; and here I didn’t know Mary J. Blige was a republican.

Anthony Weiner is running for mayor of New York. That is who New York needs right now: a guy so stupid he, A, takes a crotch picture in the first place, B, tries to send it to someone not his wife, and C, sends it to all 40,000 of his twitter followers by mistake.

The Germans have seized Justin Bieber’s monkey; in terms of American/German history, not exactly our capturing Hitler’s Eagle’s Nest headquarters, is it?

Since you asked:

Cut to: Boardroom of an elite public relations firm high above Park Avenue in bustling Manhattan:


“ This is an exciting time, folks. We have two new potential clients, but the truth is we are so busy - and these clients are so big - we have to decide between the two of them. The first is North Korea.”

Respected PR VP:

“Whoa. Look, I know it would be a big feather in our cap to land an entire nation. But their leader, Kim Jong Un? This guy is crazier than an outhouse rat. He is Gary Busey-crazy. Plus he has an inferiority complex that would make Donald Trump jealous. Didn’t he just fire six missiles in the direction of South Korea? No, as much as it sounds tempting, I do not want to be remembered as the P.R. firm hired by the madman who started World War III.”


“You’re right, you’re right. OK, so I guess we go with the second candidate: Tiger Woods.”

Respected P.R. VP:

“North Korea, huh? Would we get to meet Dennis Rodman?”