'Dat Braudah not in dah waddah; 'dat jamoke ain't got no stoke, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

“Hangover III” is in theaters; I’m no Dr. Phil, but I think if you end up in Las Vegas, Bankok and Las Vegas again after blacking out each time and you steal a tiger, monkey and kill a giraffe in the process? You may have a drinking problem.

Random Lex Thoughts:

It is shameless how they discriminate against Chinese drivers at the Indy 500.

I want to start a winery so I can make a wine that is called: Coping Mechanism. 

If someone has to change clothes, it wasn't just a fart.

It is amazing how much less I love chimps now that I know they like to bite human penises off.

Now that all professional athletes work out all the time, sports is going to get pretty boring for quite a while. 

Everyone knows Christian Rock is a hilarious oxymoron, right?

Why is everyone surprised at the pubic's hatred of the IRS? The IRS is that douche in a wool hat driving the Prius and talking on his hand-held iPhone while cutting you off by running the four-way stop sign. 

There are two ways to tell if an apparently hot person is actually hot. One, hose them with water, if they are still hot without the hair and makeup, they are hot. 2, make them wear Crocs. If they are still hot, they are really hot. 

You can measure a person's douche-ableness by how much they block grocery store aisles and how much noise their footwear makes on the ground when they walk/shuffle. 

Led Zeppelin: two words that prove rock critics in general, and "Rolling Stone" critics in particular, were/are snotty little punk-rock-Depech Mode-loving losers with no life.