Friday, June 21, 2013

I’m here to tells yah so’s ya knows down to your toes and don’t has to suppose, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West had their baby girl and named it: North West; when asked why she named the child after a point on a compass, Kim said; “What’s a compass?”

A Florida man on a first date was beaten, robbed, stripped naked and abandoned in a field; the worst part? She hasn’t called, she hasn’t e-mailed, she hasn’t texted…

In Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad lost the presidential election to Hassan Rowhani. Ahmadinejad plans to spend his time sulking in his La Jolla, CA. beach house.

The Superman movie, “Man of Steel” is #1. The movie features big improvements over the previous Superman. The best improvement? This new movie Superman doesn’t wear his red panty underwear on the outside of his tights held up with a bright yellow belt.

That TV Superman stood there with his fists on his hips as bullets bounced off his chest, but then, when they threw the gun at him, he ducked like an idiot.

In a deposition for a lawsuit against her, Southern butter chef, Paula Dean, admitted to using the N-word; Paula’s latest dish? A Taco Bell-inspired dish called a Burrito Supremacist.

Men’s Warehouse fired CEO and spokesperson the bearded George Zimmer. It was sad today when someone told George; “That’s great I am going to like the way I look and you guarantee it. But right now you have to fill out this unemployment form.”

McDonalds has a new late night breakfast menu called; “The After Midnight Menu” It is not just perfect for alcoholics, it is Lindsay Lohan tested and Mel Gibson approved.

Southern chef, Paula Dean, issued a heartfelt apology on a video for using the N-word; she didn't really help her case when she went on to thank all the Jew-boys and queers on "The Food Network.'

Random Lex Thoughts:

That hockey play-by-play guy, Doc Emrick, is amazing.

Underrated movie I saw recently? “Escape From Alcatraz.”

When I meet a really rich guy, it is all I can do to keep from asking how much cash they have on them right now.

When I was in Las Vegas, someone told me the Bellagio had a blackjack table with a $10,000 minimum bet. A mile away, I went to a convenience store to buy sunflower seeds and a Vitamin water. The Apu-like clerk threw a tantrum because I wanted him to break a $100 bill. How can both things exist so close to each other?

Had a dream last night that was so boring, I was afraid to fall back asleep. It was an anxiety dream about trying to get dressed for a wedding and I couldn’t find a decent tie. Must have tried on 50 weird ties. If the dream didn’t also feature my puppy Wally sniffing the Maid of Honor’s butt until she screamed, it would have been a total loss.

Do Chinese people go out for Caucasian food?

Water temp here in SD is a comfy 68; get your tuchuses in the wahdiddley-do water, Slats and Nugs. 

Lex’s Double Baked Grilled Potatoes

Bake a Yukon gold to not-quite-done. 400 degrees, 30 minutes, with a few minutes to start in microwave.

When cool, scoop out potato guts and put into bowl, and make the potato look like a canoe. Add butter, garlic, salt, milk and parmesan cheese to the potato guts and mash.

Using a fork, stuff the canoes with the mashed potato guts using the fork to mike nice long ridges. Sprinkle top with smoked paprika and Old Bay.

Place re-stuffed potatoes on indirect heat in a hot grill for 30 minutes.

When done, use a ketchup squeeze bottle to form the letters LEX on each potato.