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Gaaarrrrrl, they don’t know how we do how we dooooooooo, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A Brooklyn bar is holding the “World’s Smallest Penis” contest. The first place prize is called The Newt Gingrich Trophy.

50-year-old jockey, Gary Stevens, won the Preakness on Oxbow; not to imply Stevens is getting old, but he left his turn signal on the entire race. During the race Stevens kept yelling to the other jockeys; “Slow down, this is a neighborhood.”

The $600 mil. Powerball lottery was won by someone in Florida; I swear, if it turns out if the winner is that guy who robbed a house naked, pooped and masturbated before jumping out the window,  I am going to be pissed.

A 72-year-old man and a 66-year-old woman were arrested in New Jersey for running a brothel out of a retirement home. And who doesn’t want a hooker who yells during sex; “Move, Sonny, I can’t see Matlock”?

Have you seen “Game of Thrones”? (I really like it) It’s as if “Lord of the Rings” was written by Beavis and Butthead. “Heh, heh, heh, more sword fights and big boobies, heh, heh, heh.”  

Since you asked:

That’s it, I have had it. What the hell is it with old people who take their power walks out in the street? And I mean out in the street a good four feet, and then give you dirty looks when you drive around them?

This one crazy old broad stared at me as I drove around her by a good twenty feet and she glared at me, as if she looked away for a split second, I would run her down like Dzhokhar Tsarnaev driving over his brother, Tamerlan.