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Quick’s the word and sharp’s the action, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A Brooklyn bar is holding the “World’s Smallest Penis” contest. The first place prize is called the Donald Trump Trophy.

Congratulations to 50-year-old jockey, Gary Stevens who won the Preakness on Oxbow; not to imply Stevens is old, but after the race it was embarrassing when Gary forget where he parked Oxbow.

A Brooklyn bar is holding the “World’s Smallest Penis” contest. The rules are strict: no tucking, no cold water and no taking a peek at a picture of feminist attorney, Gloria Allred. That will send a guy’s junk right back to the second grade.

People are shocked at how furious both republicans and democrats are at the IRS scandal. Are they kidding? Everyone hates the IRS. The IRS is the DMV clerk who shuts the window on you when you get to the front of the line.

The IRS is the kid in high school who reminded the teacher he forgot to assign homework.

Everyone hates the IRS. The IRS is the skateboarder who hasn’t pulled off a trick in his entire life.