Friday, May 03, 2013

Day up on dah Wally-cuddle-couch, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The singer Ke$ha has a tattoo inside her lip that says “Suck It.” It’s all in the new book; “Ke$ha: How Fathers Don’t Want Their Daughters To Be.”

Not to imply Ke$ha is skanky, but if you follow her on Twitter, you better wear a condom.

One of the people arrested in the Boston Marathon bombing investigation was from Kazakhstan and had a license plate “Terrorista #1.” Why do I get the feeling our CIA agents are not as efficient as they are on the show “Homeland”?

Three more people have been arrested in the Boston Marathon bombing investigation; and so, just like that, we’re going to forget all about that dangerous perp Reese Witherspoon?

A LexusNexis study reveals, despite advances in technology, office productivity is down. I find it so hard to believe office productivity is down I denied it on my blog, Facebook post, Twitter and on messages to my ten Words With Friends opponents.

Virgin Airlines is offering an in-flight flirtation service where you can order drinks for another passenger. And that’s on Virgin Airlines, you don’t even want to know what they’re offering on Horny Cougar Airlines.

Research shows our pilgrims at Jamestown had to resort to cannibalism to survive; that takes the comma right out of, “Let’s eat, grandpa” and turns it into “Let’s eat grandpa.”  

The rumor on Twitter is that, during a playoff win against the New York Knicks, Boston Celtic, Kevin Garnett told Knick Carmelo Anthony, that Anthony’s wife tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios. Could have been worse, he could have called her a Pop Tart.

Two years ago the Navy Seals got Osama bin Laden. Two solid years of Osama bin Laden yelling in heaven; “Why didn’t anyone tell me these 72 virgin would be so damn ugly?”