Later gators to the haters, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A Florida couple on “Strange Addictions” admitted they were hooked on several coffee enemas a day. Boy, that is when you know you’re too lazy, when you can’t go through the ordeal that is pouring coffee into a cup and sipping it.

 “Using that cup is too exhausting. Can you just shoot it up my butt? Thanks.”

In Florida, (where else?) a female driver and her boyfriend crashed through a house while getting amorous in the car. Not only that, but, at the time, the woman was texting; “Oh, baby, oh yeah.”

Happy 50^th Birthday to Michael Jordan. His Airness spent the day alienating his birthday party guests by trash talking during Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. “You call that putting the tail on the ass’s ass, you ass? ”

In California, a rapist used the dating website, ChristianMingle.com, to rape his victims. Even OJ Simpson said; “Oh, that guy is going to hell.”

Former San Diego Mayor, Maureen O’Connor, told a court she lost over a billion dollars of her late husband’s money gambling. Why is she a former mayor? We need this woman in congress right now. She’s perfect.

In sad news, the Los Angeles Lakers owner, Jerry Buss, died at 80. The funeral is set for Saturday, but the way the Lakers have been shooting, they’ll probably miss that too.

At the funeral, the casket will be open, but Kobe Bryant still won’t pass to him. 

Since you asked:

Double-amputee Olympian, Oscar Pistorius, charged with premeditated murder of his girlfriend, is just one of the latest of Nike athletes to explode in a scandal, including Lance Armstrong, Manti Te’o, Ben Roethlisburger, Michael Vick, Suzy Favor Hamilton, Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryant.

If I didn’t know better, I would swear the top executives at Nike are stone-assed arrogant douche bags. Oh, right, I do know better, and they are.

A Nike commercial compares Pistorius to a bullet. So what is next? A White Ford Bronco commercial for OJ? How on earth did Nike miss Ray Lewis? That guy has probably killed at least two people. He is perfect for Nike, which might stand for Notoriously Insane Killers Employed.