Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Lee Michaels - Do You Know What I Mean

Too pooped to Pope, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A Florida couple admitted to the show “Strange Addictions” they are addicted to daily coffee enemas. “The best part of waking up is Folgers in your butt.”

“The National Enquirer” claims O.J. Simpson has turned very gay in prison; OJ’s prison motto is; “If the skinny jeans fit, you must submit.”

A Michigan judge was suspended after he texted shirtless pictures of himself to co-workers; “What harm could be caused by a guy sending naked pictures of himself to co-workers?” asked nobody.

Pope Benedict the 16th or X.V.I. has resigned. So they are going to find his replacement on “The XVII Factor.”

The Golden State Warriors are going to wear a short-sleeved jerseys instead of the traditional sleeveless kind; and the Los Angeles Lakers are going to wear jerseys with hoods with zippers in front so they can cover their faces.

The Carnival Cruise ship, Triumph, has been drifting in the Gulf of Mexico powerless for days. Conditions are so bad they are thinking of changing the ship’s name to the US Los Angeles Lakers.

Conditions on-board are so bad they are downright Lindsay Lohan-like.

In England, packages of lasagna are being recalled because they contain 60% horsemeat. Lasagna is an Italian word that means: Mr. Ed.

The Boy Scouts announced they were lifting the ban on gays, but they keep delaying their decision. On the bright side, Boy Scouts can now get a merit badge in Seacresting.

The University of Arizona is offering a minor in hip hop; in terms of creating employment opportunities, a minor in hip hop comes second only to getting a neck tattoo of Snoop Dog.

There are plans to make a movie about Lance Armstrong. Not sure how that will work, the titles “Psycho” “Cheaters” “Drugstore Cowboy” and “Cyclops” have already been used.

 It truly is the little things in life.

“Showtime” will air a documentary “History of the Eagles- A Story of an American Band,” on Friday and Saturday. The problem? I don’t have “Showtime.” 

So I call my cable provider and guess what? They give me “Showtime” for three months for free.

There is very little doubt I will learn almost nothing new. 

Read some of the reviews and, surprise, surprise, like all Henley-Frey-Azoff-approved material - like Ben Fong-Torres’s book on the Eagles, “Taking it to the Limit” - "HOTE-ASOAAB" is a butt-smooching softball gently tossed to make the litigious Azoff, Henley and Frey look good. (If they make the angry troll, Azoff, look good, they deserve an Academy Award) 

Making a documentary about the Eagles and not including drugs and groupies is like making a documentary about Donald Trump and not mentioning his hair. 

If you don't think drugs broke the Eagles up and changed everything? Listen to the album "Desperado" and then listen to the album "The Long Run." It is a cautionary tale on how much blow can ruin musician's, manager, producers and sound engineer's judgment. 

Nobody hated disco more than me, but I would need to take drugs to listen to "Disco Strangler" all the way through. As impressive as Felder's guitar chops are on the song, the melody is non-existent. And the lyrics are comically heavy-handed. "He's the crimson in your face de jour"? 

But it will be fun to watch, and I can hardly wait.

And it is free.