Thursday, January 10, 2013

You can’t say yes and you can’t say no, just be right there when the whistle blows, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Nobody qualified for the 2013 induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame. To give you an idea, steroid user Barry Bonds chances of getting into the Hall are smaller than Bond’s shrunken testicles.

Even with something like 20 candidates, nobody qualified for the 2013 induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame. It’s like the Hall of Fame is harder to get into than Taylor Swift.

In Springfield, Illinois, a priest had to call police because he was left in the church basement in handcuffs wearing a leather S&M mask and a ball gag in his mouth. The priest is writing a book about it. It’s called “50 Shades of Gay.”

My favorite part of this is how hard was the person laughing when they left him like that?

A 43-year-old North Carolina high school teacher was arrested for having sex with her male 17-year-old student. She claims she was helping him with his math by showing him how many times 17 goes into 43.

Since you asked:

What do we know about the known baseball steroid cheats? Besides they can hit a baseball a mile, or throw it 100 MPH, and they have big muscles.

They are all unmitigated and unashamed A$$holes.

We didn’t know the extent that Rafael Palmeiro and Mark McGwire were A$$holes until they pompously lied to congress. We suspected Sammy Sosa was an A$$hole when known great-guy players, like Mark Grace, despised him.

Barry Bonds? Come on. Jose Conseco? A stupid A$$hole. Alex Rodriguez sets the tone for all modern day A$$holes.

Roger Clemens was such an A$$hole he ruined a man’s life, his personal trainer, sending him to prison. He had sex with a 16-year-old singer.

Cheating in sports is like pornography, hard to define, but you know it when you see it. Stealing signs? No. Lying to the base runner about what is going to happen? No. Loading up the ball? Not if you don’t get caught.

But corking a bat is cheating, just like taking steroids is cheating. And someone has to be an unmitigated A$$hole to knowingly and repeatedly cheat at the sport they presumably love.

Nobody said character is a determining factor in getting into the Hall of Fame. Babe Ruth and Ty Cobb were colossal A$$holes, both probably killed people driving drunk, and yet they belong in the Hall.

If the rules on betting on baseball weren't so specific following the Black Sox scandal, then Pete Rose, a shameless A$$hole, should be in the Hall of Fame. But they are and he isn't and shouldn't be. 

All things being equal, maybe Pete Rose is in the Hall of Fame. But because the rules against betting on baseball are so clear, the question is: was Pete Rose so great you can overlook those rules? The answer is no. Owning a record does not assure induction. Look at Roger Maris. 

Pete Rose was arguably only the fifth best player on his own team behind Johnny Bench, Joe Morgan, Tom Seaver and Pete Perez. Maybe. Ken Griffey Senior? 

I’ve got it on unquestionable authority from someone who was involved in a sports marketing transaction that Willy Mays is an unbelievably bitter A$$hole. Joe DiMaggio was an A$$hole. Mickey Mantle was popular with his teammates, but his own kids, his ex-wife and thousands of mistreated fans know he was an A$$hole.

Being an A$$hole doesn’t keep you out of the Hall of Fame. But it is a good indicator of who would cheat with steroids. No doubt in my mind if steroids had been around long before, Mays, Mantle, DiMaggio, Ruth and Cobb would have all used steroids.

But they weren’t and they didn’t.