Tuesday, February 07, 2012

New Orleans Saint, Jimmy Graham, discovers what it is like to be interviewed by a container of vinegar and water.

Do you know who I am, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Madonna looked good during her halftime show; but I think Madonna has had some work down. When she lip-synched, her lips looked a lot plumper.

After hundreds of years they are updating the sexual book “The Kama Sutra.” Some of the new sex acts are the Rick Perry backslide, the Kim Kardashian wedding heist, Arnold Schwarzenegger maid hump.

Did you see how, at the end of the game, the New England Patriots allowed the Giants’ Ahmad Bradshaw to score? They did nothing to stop him and allowed him to go all the way and score. They got the idea from Madonna’s sex life.

Madonna looked good during her halftime show; now I don’t want to imply Madonna is getting up there, but when she was born, the Super Bowl Roman numerals were put there by real Romans.

After the Super Bowl, Tom Brady’s wife, model Giselle Bundchen, ripped Brady’s teammates for dropping Tom’s passes. She’s right, its not like they have a hard job where you have to put on clothes, walk down a runway and then turn around.

Since you asked:

Talentless haircut and douche-bag, XX Sports host, Scott Kaplan, got fired.

Could not have happened to a nicer guy.

The article in the “San Diego Union Tribune” implies Kaplan got fired for sexist remarks. It is my belief that is only because you can’t fire someone for being an utter tool.

As I have mentioned, from professional experience from writing for a number of them, there is nothing more out of whack than the egos of small market radio personalities. They make Ron Burgandy look humble.

But Scott Kaplan was the worst. In just three e-mail exchanges and a phone call he established himself as a pompous, stupid schmuck.

How much of a schmuck is Kaplan? He pulled a “Do you know who I am?”

Kaplan parked in a co-worker’s spot, she had him towed, so he hits her with a “DYKWIA?” (Getting towed is a sure sign a guy is a chronic a-hole. If he wasn’t they would have asked him to move) Scott Kaplan, being the class act he is, called her various names on the air like skank, she sued Kaplan for slander and libel and won.

“Sports Illustrated” ran a piece on athletes who have pulled the “DYKWIA?” And it reads like a who’s who of a-hole egomaniacs: Deion Sanders, Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin. And that is just former Cowboys.

But the best “DYKWIA?” story came from the most legendary of ass-munching crank-nozzles, Tiger Woods.

Tiger, as are all world class a-holes, is an infamous rich-guy-who-doesn’t tip. (See: Judge Smails) This classless reputation/habit caught up to him at an Iowa river boat casino, so a waitress asks the then 20-year-old Tiger for his I.D.

Tiger hits her with the “DYKWIA?” She fires back;

“I don’t care if you’re the Lion King.”