Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Last picture of Kasey and Wrigley together. Should have seen how crushed Wrigley would be. Should have seen it.

This vacay gonna up and go cray-cray, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Rick Santorum is so conservative his Indian name is; “Wears Socks When He Has Sex."

With all the Oscar buzz around the, “The Artist” even straight males will want to see a French song and dance silent movie filmed in black and white. Naaaah.

The campaign has come down to Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul. You know you’re stuck with a sad group when Newt Gingrich is the one who has scored the most tail.

An Indiana lawmaker, Bob Morris, derided the Girl Scouts as a radical organization; when informed this statement would jeopardize his Thin Mints order, Morris said; “Let me finish, I meant radically great.”

A 19-year-old, Yazeed Mohammad A. Abunayyan, was arrested on a flight from Portland to Houston, for punching passengers while screaming praises of Osama bin Laden. And my Aunt Gertie couldn’t fly for sneaking ten ounces of Sexy Lube in her purse.

I’m sorta bummed. I wanted to go see the movie “War Horse,” but I went to the adult movie “Worn Whores” by mistake.

The hookers on Santa Monica Blvd. are offering a post-Oscar special. For a “Moneyball” of $500, you can get “Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close” when “Hugo” and put "The Tree of Life" up their “War Horse.”

“The Artist” won Best Picture. A French silent movie in black and white with lots of dance numbers. The only way that movie could be any worse for me is if the cute little dog died.

Just saw that a Jeremy Lin jersey sold for $500. I tell you, that price is Jeremaniac-y. What? It could catch on.

Since you asked:

Now that I have a MacBook Pro laptop and an asthma inhaler, I am going to tote the rock and run to daylight.

Gonna set up at an outdoor table at a coffee shop. Order a non-fat, two brown sugar, extra foam, three-shot latte, and sit there, with my cell phone plastered to me ear, wearing from bottom to top: Ugg boots, cargo shorts, an ironic t-shirt that attributes the quote; “That’s what she said” to Mark Twain, a black leather jacket, my Ray Bans and a red wool hat perched way back on my head.

Might even fashion one of my daughter's hair bands into a faux thumb ring. That’s right, I am gonna be THAT GUY.

(Of course I’m not, but there is power in knowing I could douche it up that much if I wanted to)

P.S. Go Eff yourself, Bob Felderman, wherever you fat, bald, ugly old ass be.