Monday, February 20, 2012

We got Linosity lin our lintestines linflaming our linsides, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Iran’s President, Mahmoud Amadenijhad, leaked their nuclear bomb advances, but apparently their technology on realizing we use drone missiles is extremely weak.

Martha Stewart’s Chow Chow named Ghengis Kahn won best of breed at the Westminster dog show; in fact, Stewart is the second least likely ex-con to win at Westminster next to Michael Vick.

A Portland couple was arrested at a grocery store because the woman was naked, bound and gagged with duct tape in the back seat of their car. Turns out they were role-playing S&M sex games. The closest most married guys get to role-playing is when the wife swears at them to take out the garbage.

Kraft has a new product called Fresh Take that combines shredded cheese with breadcrumbs. Just how fat and lazy have we become when mixing cheese and breadcrumbs becomes too much work?

After leading the New York Knicks to seven games in a row, people are asking how did Jeremy Lin go from unknown to star? Lin was in such a relative NBA obscurity, he never once considered dating a Kardashian.

Rick Santorum is so conservative he thinks a Labradoodle is a result of interracial marriage. Rick Santorum is so conservative he thinks a woman not shaving her legs is the only acceptable kind of birth control.

Rick Santorum is so conservative he considers the Jeremy Lin Linsanity a type of Asian gang.

The Underwear Bomber was given a life sentence. It gets even worse for him, the court ruled his name be changed from Underwear Bomber to the Bunhugger Blaster.

Newt Gingrich is trying to come up with a catchy catch word for his campaign, like Linsanity. It’s not going great, so far all he has is Newtocity, Newtyrific and Newtadosis.