Friday, February 17, 2012

Beverley is like an older Lily, except she cries a lot more than Lily. What? This is only slightly racist.

That’s is funkier than a funky-thang, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

As gorgeous as she is, it could be tough dating Taylor Swift. Like when she writes a hit song titled; “He didn’t leave the toilet seat down.”

Despite not doing well in the primaries, Newt Gingrich continues to run; is it just me, or does Newt look like that fat, smelly kid in second grade who ate all of his Elmer’s glue?

Rick Santorum is staunchly against gay marriage. Which is ironic because Santorum looks like the high school art teacher who married the women’s softball coach to try and kill all their gay rumors.

Kim Kardashian told “Allure” magazine that there will be no cameras at her next wedding; hard to believe from a family that would sell the pictures of Bruce Jenner’s colonoscopy exam.

A 57-year-old Florida man is in a hospital with serious injuries from his electric cigarette blowing up in his mouth; “This is the worst thing I’ve ever heard,” said everybody but cigarette smokers.

New York Knick phenomenon, Jeremy Lin, has led the Knicks to 7 wins in a row and created a craze called Linsanity. Don’t confuse Linsanity with Mitt-mania. That is a phenomenon caused by not scoring in the primaries.

Since you asked:

Before Jeremy Lin lit up his team with 38 points, LA Laker, Kobe Bryant, said he had never heard of Lin. And you can’t blame Kobe, all of those Harvard graduate NBA players look the same.

One of the best aspects of Linsanity is you can practically smell the burning jealousy coming off of the NBA coddled superstars. (Cough, Kobe, ahem, LeBron)

I’m a sports guy. Love sports. Not a statistics fanatic. But I love sports. And most of my friends are like me. Cannot think of one person I know who has watched an entire NBA game in five years.

NFL? Love it. MLB? Mostly a Cubs fan, but I like the Padres. US Women and men’s soccer? A convert. NHL? Loved those specials on HBO following the Rangers and Flyers. Can watch the Stanley Cup games. PGA? Big fan.

NASCAR? Not interested.

Cannot believe the NBA has fallen in my book to the depth of NASCAR. And for a lot of the same reason . Both have sort of dissolved into a few egomaniac millionaire’s private, well, rhymes with bircle-serk.

And we are not alone. Thanks to Jeremy Lin, this is the first time we are even talking about the NBA.

In Versus Out.

IN?, “The Voice.” OUT? “American Idol.”

IN? Jeremy Lin. OUT? Kobe Bryant.

IN? “Modern Family.” OUT? “Happy Endings” if it keeps jumping the shark.

IN? Phil Mickelson. OUT, OUT, OUT? Tiger Woods. (But he’ll be back)

IN? Navy Seals. OUT? Green screen, CGI fight scenes.

IN? None of the candidates. OUT? Newt.

IN? Local and sustainable. OUT? Battered and deep-fried.

IN? Organic wine. OUT? Recreational drugs.

IN? Despising the Kardashians. OUT? Simply annoyed by the Kardashians.

IN? Nerds. OUT? Thugs.

IN? Brad Pitt OUT? Branjelina.

IN? Core workouts outdoors. OUT? Expensive gyms.

IN? Paying attention to popular trends by someone who knows what they’re taking about. OUT? Listening to me.