This is not his nibs, Wrigley T, but it looks like him

Wrigley T. is the world’s first adorkable doggie, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

After the Pentagon announced plans to allow women closer to combat, Rick Santorum expressed doubts about women’s abilities in combat. Spoken like a man who has never been to a women’s shoe sale.

What was with all the people passing out, falling off the stage and throwing up on “American Idol”? It’s like they were channeling for Paula Abdul.

Shippensberg College in Pennsylvania installed a vending machine that dispenses the morning-after pill. As opposed to USC who’s cafeterias serve morning after pill omelets and waffles.

Louis Vuitton has made a $68 designer condom. It is designed specifically to keep pretentious idiots from reproducing.

Paired-up and tied in the final round of the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am, Phil Mickelson won and beat Tiger Woods by 11 strokes. That officially crosses the line from golf win to righteous beat-down.

At the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am, Phil Mickelson won and beat Tiger Woods by 11 strokes. It was a bad day for Tiger. Later, his waitress at Hooters forgot his chicken wings order and would not give Tiger her phone number.

Boxer Floyd Mayweather tweeted that the reason Jeremy Lin, who has led the New York Knicks to five wins including 38 points against the Lakers, is getting attention is because he is Asian-American. Proving what we have long suspected, Floyd was a moron before he started receiving severe blows to the head.