If you combined Sofia Vergara with Vera Farmiga, you would get Soveri Farfromgari (So very far from Gary. Yes, little Marc Hartnet snake, this is what I do all day)

Nadal advanced at the Australian Open. Things like this make me feel so inadequate as a writer in that I cannot put down in words how little this means to me.

In NBA news, the Wizards beat the Bobcats, 92-75. In far more relevant news, my dog Wrigley, while snoring on his back, passed gas so loudly it woke him up.

Really like those Anthony Bourdain "The Layover" shows, but I just wish he could find a way to eat more, drink more and swear more:

"I'm so effing full and mother effing drunk, let's find some other effin' place that serves greasy mothereffin food and c****sucking hard booze."


Since you asked:
As I was cuddling up and talking sickening baby talk to my dog ("Was dis my widdles cuddle bunnies and love lambses, yes dis wases.") Wrigley slimed me with some viscous goo slobber on my wrist and leg and pants like Bill Murray in "Ghostbusters." Well played, Wrigger-Digger T, well played.
A bank robber in Brazil literally shot himself in the foot during the heist. He was arrested and charged with armed robbery and impersonating Rick Perry.