Tuesday, January 24, 2012

An 85-year-old Alaska woman, whose husband was being trampled by a moose, beat the moose away with a shovel. Both husband and wife are fine, but the moose is being brutally teased by all the other moose.

Since you asked:

This story brings to mind a story of former ski trip buddies who petted a moose.

Moose are like chimps in that we humans have some odd need to make them cute when they are actually angry, aggressive and mean critters. Although I will say this for moose: I’ve never read about them chewing off a person’s face or penis.

So you’re probably thinking the five or six guys who petted the moose are drunken idiots. Since I wasn’t there I can’t speak for the drunken part, but it was after a day of skiing in Jackson Hole, so, yes, there was probably drinking involved.

It was dinner time and a moose wandered into their plush ski-in, ski-out condo’s backyard. They ventured out and took pictures of them petting the moose. Granted, since the moose lived on a ski resort, it may have been a tad more docile around humans than most moose. (Most Moose is my new country rock band)

But one of the guys I witnessed pet a buffalo in Yellowstone and he was as sober as a judge. Well, then he and his fellow moose petters are idiots, right? Nope, all are well-educated, hard-working and successful family men.

The upside to petting a moose is very limited. About the only upshot is if the moose does not maim or kill you. How about the fact that you get to tell people you petted a moose?


If you tell someone you petted a moose you instantly reveal that you are stupid enough to try and pet a moose.

You can measure the stupidity of an act by the amount of indifference from people informed said act killed the person.

Like for example:

“Did you hear Darryl died?”

“That is so tragic. He was so young. How did he die?”

“He was going 125 mph on his motorcycle in the rain and spun out.”

Sheesh, well what did he expect?” Same is true of petting a moose.

“Did you hear Keith got killed by a moose?”

“Oh, that is awful. Was he skiing when a moose ran out of the woods and attacked him?”

“No, he was trying to pet the moose.”

“Oh, well, pffft.”

Since you asked again:
Stand up paddle board surfing has been much more of an education than I suspected it would be. Most surfers get a bad rap. Like snowboarding, the burned-out, stoner, territorial dumb-ass 20% give the other 80% a bad name.

The good surfers are thoughtful and downright philosophical about the spirituality of the ocean. Like Laird Hamilton. Like my old Railhead band mates, Bob and Murray.

Surfers have as many words for waves as Eskimos do for snow. Curling, tubed, head and shoulders, crumbly, closing out, lefts, rights, victory at sea, walled-up, blown-out, held-up, soupy, glassy, mushy, strong, weak, overhead, double-overhead, ankle, knee, waist, shoulder high.