Monday, November 28, 2011

This right here a handsome boy, Mister Wrigley "T-Bone" Telluride Kaseberg his own bad self.

New book coming out of pictures and x-rays of items found in folk's rectums. The title? "Keeping it Up Your Kardashian."

Miley Cyrus on tape admitting she is a stoner. Changing her stage name from Hannah Montana to Bakin' Jamaican.

Shopping was brutal last weekend. I got jostled. I got shoved. I got groped. I tell yeah, it was like being a woman working for Herman Cain.

Since you asked:
Here’s the mind-bursting thing about reality TV. The entire premise behind reality TV is a lie. As I have said, there is no such thing as reality TV unless the camera is hidden. If people know they’re being filmed, they act differently.

The most difficult thing for a talented actor to do - besides comedy - is to play a bad guy. It is counter intuitive to everything human beings want to do, especially actors: intentionally act like a jerk while being filmed. Even if someone is playing Hitler or Manson, they want to be liked.

So when Kate Gosselin screams at her children for eating her boyfriend's pizza and Kim Kardashian jets off to Australia to promote her fashion line after bloodlessly filing for divorce after 72 days, we have to keep in mind this is how they want us to see them. They think this behavior is admirable.

Imagine how awful they are when the camera is off?

And now the Kardasian spin machine is attempting to toss Kris under the bus. They don't get it. It isn't good guy versus bad guy. It is bad moron versus evil and stupid moron. Kim is graveyard dead.

Did everything but send the Thanksgiving turkey to charm school. Came out juicy, not just moist, and golden to dark brown.

Five B's. Brine-marinated, braised, buttered, basted and barbequed. The key to chicken, ribs, turkey and pork chops? Apple juice and sea salt brine marinate. Soak Jack Daniels wood chips in water and toss them on the coals. You can barely smell the whiskey on the oak chips and it gives the oak a touch of sweetness.

Hate to admit this:

But my Fantasy team, Thor's Thunder has been snarking hind-moose boobies for the last couple of years. Losing Peyton Manning after five years did not help.

P.S. Snarking Hind Moose Boobies is my new indie band.

How do country singers, like Natalie Maines and Miley Cyrus, get so stupid about alienating their audience?

To review, Dixie Chicks (not exactly a band name that attracts left-wing intellectuals) singer, Natalie Maines, in a blatant attempt to suck up to an anti-American audience in London, told the crowd they were ashamed Bush was from Texas. This on the night of the attack on Iraq when patriotism was at an all-time high..

When the firestorm of anger predictably erupted from the famously patriotic country music fans, a shocked and hurt Maines lashed out and insulted her upset fans by telling them they were ignorant red necks and they would be replaced with fans who agreed with the young, stupid Natalie. (Where these liberal anti-Bush country music fans were going to come from, only Natalie knows)

When concerts began getting cancelled and radio stations burned their records, Maines tried to back-peddle and apologize to Bush while professing her love of our troops and their courage. When that didn't work, Maines, like a petulant brat, retracted the apology.

Natalie Maines is essentially out of the music bidness. Her bandmates going on without her are not far behind. It turns out Natalie was right, the war was a mistake, there were no weapons of mass destruction, and if she had just shut her mouth, she would have been vindicated. It wasn't her politics that ruined Natalie Maines, it was her arrogant stupidity.

Hey, Miley Cyrus. Who makes up the core of your fans? That's right. Tween girls. Maybe younger. Who buys the concert tickets and songs off iPod for the girls? Their "I don't want my daughter listening to potheads" mothers.

What does Miley do? Grabs a microphone and in front of video phones, announces her devotion for and love of smoking pot.