Friday, November 18, 2011

It gonna get real real up in this here wheel deal, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Sadly, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are getting a divorce. The really ironic thing? Demi is replacing Ashton with Charlie Sheen.

Ashton is 33 and Demi is 49. That’s an entire Bieber difference.

Herman Cain is going to be guarded by the Secret Service. His code name is Senor Gropey-pants.

Campaigning in Miami, Herman Cain asked for a word in Cuban. Rick Perry laughed and laughed and said; “Everybody knows Cubans speak Mexican.”

Since you asked:
Not to brag, but I work out several times a week. Am eating much healthier and losing some much-needed weight. My core muscles are as strong as they have ever been in my life.

So when did my nose hairs turn into Andy Rooney’s eyebrows, RIP?

Seriously, when I trim them back I get mental image of the sweaty natives hacking away the dense jungle vines for the English Safari hunters in the Tarzan movies.

Not to blow my own horn, but , I said this a year ago . . .

How about Jim Harbaugh? Nobody but a Division III team with essentially no football program, USD, hires the guy and, badabing, badaboom, they win the D3 title.

Goes to Stanford and does the same thing to a 1-11 team. Niner fans, go ahead and book your Super Bowl flights for 2012.