Saturday Morning Caffeine-fueled Rant

So I had just come from a wonderful stand up paddle board surf session Thursday morning at Scripps Pier. Sets of three footers with one five footer that almost munched me in the impact zone, but I was able to kick out just in time. Ten or more nice rides.

So I should be in a great mood, right? I’m not because I’m so tired. Bonking, exhausted, cranky tired. So I know what I have to do. Already downed a coconut water and a mineral water. So, like a junkie going for methadone, I head straight to get a Jamba juice Surf-rider. Tart, tasty, good for you.

Now Jamba Juice has these odd bakery goods. They start to sound good, but then they make a nasty, affected, snooty turn. Like a cinnamon-raison (ew, sounds good) pretzel. Blah. Or just downright funky crap like a swiss-cheese and crushed acorn bran muffin. Nothing I’d ever want.

But they always foist it on you.

“Are you sure you don’t want some of our tasty baked goods?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna pass on that pecan, rosemary and lugnut scone, thanks.”

So I go in there not wanting to waste any time, I give the guy, a high school kid, nice enough, not a skateboard dweeb, normal looking kid, I have my order ready.

“Hello” although tired and cranky, I want to be friendly. “I would like a regular surf rider with a vitamin boost, no baked goods and my name is Alex.”

He mutters as he types, “Surf rider. OK, what size?”

“A regular with a vitamin boost, and nothing else, my name is Alex.”

“Regular, got it. And what boost would you like with that?”

“Yeah, again (now I am getting a little testy) I want a vitamin boost, nothing else and my name is Alex.”

“Would you like to try any of our wonderful baked goods today?”

Now some of the other Jamba Juice workers are snickering and following this, my frustration is now clear.

“No, I don’t want to try a baked good, that’s why I said nothing else. And my name is Alex.”

“OK, no baked goods, a regular surf rider with vitamins and . . .”

Don’t do it. Don’t ask it. I’ve said it four times.

“And can I get a name with that?”

One of the other Jamba Juice workers, a girl, shrieks out in laughter

“Dude, he’s told you Alex like ten times. The guy’s name is Alex.”

This poor kid had the most bewildered, shocked and hurt look on his face. Like he had no idea how she knew my name was Alex.


Hey there Kasey-bear. Just thought you should know I know that was you in my dream the other night. One of those dreams where I was dreaming I was awake. You walked over on top of the top of the couch and slid down and laid right on top of my back. It was great. Thanks, I needed that.

We're doing OK, but we miss you something fierce.