We ain’t had no good coffee in here since Idella passed, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Robert Redford threw out the first pitch at opening day at Wrigley Field; there was an awkward moment when a batter ran up to the plate and hit the ball into the lights destroying the lights causing a cascading shower of sparkles.

On Fox News, Sarah Plain said we’re in a squirmish with Libya. Oh no, do you know what this means? Sarah Palin is having an affair with George W. Bush.

Charlie Sheen’s one-man show received a standing ovation in Chicago after being roundly booed in Detroit. It helped Sheen’s chances when, before the show, he handed out little white powder baggies Charlie called; “Duh. Winning” packets.

The New York Mets are in financial trouble due to connections with Bernie Madoff. And I think it’s true, the Mets’ opening day first pitch was replaced by a sales pitch for Amway products.

The New York Mets are in financial trouble due to connections with Bernie Madoff. The Mets are in so much financial trouble they have a deal with the Times Square hookers called the Mets special: for an extra $100 they’ll scratch your crotch for you.

A Southwest flight out of Phoenix had to make an emergency landing in Yuma after part of the roof flew off. The flight crew had to respond quickly and charge the passengers a special fresh air fee.

The pilots were so shocked they dropped their tequila shots.

Since you asked:

Saw the “Biography” special on “Guns ‘N Roses.” Interesting. Great musicians and song writers and Slash and Axel Rose were amazing live performers. Made the Eagles in concert look like a wax museum.

Another interesting fact to emerge was that, once you exclude serial killers and tyrant mass murderers and billion dollar thieves, like Hitler, Stalin and Bernie Madoff, Axel Rose may have been the biggest A-hole to ever live. Period. His ego, excesses and rude behavior made Glenn Frey look like Gandhi.

Who in the world thinks it is their place to keep their band, crew, management and 40,000 paid fans waiting for four hours? Wow, now that is a tool.

Like Tom Petty said repeatedly in the TPATHB’s documentary “Running Down a Dream” there is no manual for rock and roll crazy success. This was reiterated by GNR bass player Duff McKagen, a real bright and articulate guy.

One day GNR is hitchhiking from Los Angeles to a gig in a tiny bar in Seattle, where the crowd was so unhappy with their set, the bar owner refused to pay them. Seemingly the next day they are on a private commercial airliner with Axel’s massage therapist, voice therapist, personal trainer, chef and analyst on board.

There are basically two stories in all of rock and roll. The first is starving punks in band get lucky break, work hard in the studio, get along, hit the road, develop bad habits that turn into full blown addictions, start infighting, break up and go broke.

Or.

Starving punks in bands get lucky break, work hard in the studio, hit the road, develop bad habits that turn into full blown addictions, start infighting, break up, get clean and then get back together and get the real money.

The real secret for success for these bands seem to be the undying love of their fans. Once a 17-25-year-old, man or woman, falls in love with a band, there is nothing they won’t do for that band. More importantly, no amount of coin they won’t spend.

In addition to many radio-friendly hits, Guns N’ Roses had a psycho/obsessed core fan base like Metallica and Motley Crux. As huge as their stratospheric success was, the Eagles and Aerosmith never had that much of a giant cult following nor generated that kind of insane undying get-the-band's-symbol-tattooed-on-your-ass loyalty.

Axel Rose – as did Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison before him – had to really go out of his way to slaughter and re-slaughter the goose that laid so many golden eggs.

And he did. What a douche.

But at least his dred-lock hair plugs and multiple face lifts look good.