‘Tain’t no big thing to wait for the bell to ring, ‘taint no big thang, the toll of the bell, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


PETA wants San Francisco’s Tenderloin District to be named Granola Flats. Great, for a second there I was afraid PETA might be thought of as crazy people with too much time on their hands.


A three-year-old Chinese child weighs 132 pounds. He’s so fat he keeps breaking his chair at the toy factory.

I’m a big guy, and I didn’t weigh 132 pounds until eighth grade. In the Chinese kid’s defense, I wasn’t eating food with lead in it.


A big thing on twitter is celebrities who have guest tweeters. How dumb and lazy have we become when you have to have somebody twitter for you? Ewww, posting 140 characters is too hard, I need help.


Two USC students were caught having sex on a campus rooftop during the day. Two students at the University of Duluth tried this, but it ended tragically. The male lost something very vital to frostbite.


Space Shuttle Endeavour to go on permanent display at USC. Students there so excited, they can’t wait to have sex on top of it.


Sorry about another snowstorm, Northeast. But hey, we Californians have our weather challenges as well. Since daylight savings time, we have to remember to wear our sunglasses an hour later.