Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Here are the ying and yang doggies, Kasey in front, Wrigley in back.


Tonight’s episode is: The Juiced-up Guido Gets Played, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

“Jersey Shore” Snooki has written a book. Or as Snooki’s fans call a book: that paper thingie that like totally like isn’t a TV show.

More birds falling from the sky, this time it’s the Oregon Ducks. Congratulations to Auburn winning the BCS Championship over Oregon. That’s the difference between football and golf, in football a Tiger can still win something.

Women, there is a new app that turns an iPhone into a vibrator. It works so well Paris Hilton chipped her tooth.

The season debut of “Jersey Shore” shattered all MTV ratings records. Let’s see, dead birds falling from the sky, millions of dead fish, snow in the South and Snooki tops the ratings, yes, it’s official it is the apocalypse.

“Sarah Palin’s Alaska” was cancelled after one year. It wasn’t that the ratings weren’t good, Palin simply ran out of animals to kill.

Now that they have removed the N-word from Mark Twain’s novels, why stop there? “Old Man and the Sea” is now “Senior Citizen and the Sea” “The Great Gatsby” is now “The Over-Achiever Gatsby” and “Moby Dick” is now “Moby Penile Resemblance.”

The tragic shootings in Arizona are sparking more gun control debates. Some say the tragedy would have been avoided with more gun control, some say more people need to be armed to defend themselves, but all agree Snooki on “Jersey Shore” should be shot.

Monday in Washington DC was the annual no-pants-on-the-subway day. Or as they call that in New York: Everyday.

Yesterday was happy one, one, one, one, one. There are more ones than when Paris Hilton got drunk and went up on stage at a strip club.

Congratulations to Auburn winning the BCS Championship over Oregon. How about those neon green socks the Ducks wore? They’re the same socks my flamboyantly gay Uncle Terrance wears when he works in his garden.

Since you asked:
Not that I knew the Matthews real well at NTE, Clay Jr. was a senior when I was a sophomore and Bruce was a Freshman when I was a Senior, but you didn’t have to know them well to know they were stand up straight shooters. A friend of mine (Check out the brain on Brad) joked that the Matthews are so thick and muscular they had to be on ‘roids.

Not that this could happen, but if I could, I would bet $1,000 that no Matthews ever took any performance enhancing drugs. Yes, old-school is now a trite cliche, but the Matthews really were/are old-school. That makes what Clay Jr. and Bruce and Clay III did and do even all that more amazing, because they are/were competing against mostly folks who are and were juiced. Generally speaking, steroid users are stupid, lazy cheaters. (See: Sammy Sosa, Jose Conseco) Those three words do not appear anywhere in the Matthews DNA.

Have you seen a recent picture of Bruce or Clay Jr.? I have and they both look like they could suit up today and play. Have you seen a recent picture of steroid cheater Bruce Jenner? He looks like he could suit up. Suit up as a mean, skinny woman prison warden.

Anyone who knows me knows, as a U.C. graduate, what I think about USC. But even I have to admit anyone who makes it into the USC Hall of Fame, as both Bruce and Clay Jr. did, should also be in the NFL Hall of Fame.

If Clay Matthews Jr. competed against non-cheating players in the Eighties, people would be saying;

“Lawrence Taylor who?”

Lock for Hall of Fame, which I think he should be anyway.