In the immortal words of Carl Spackler: "Oh, you're a monkey woman, yes you are."

We gonna refudiate that mess up in this piece, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


The turkeys President Obama pardoned are from California; great, just what we need, another two stupid turkeys without a job.

We found out what caused the mortar attack from North Korea on South Korea; it’s an old feud, North Korea is team Jacob, South Korea is team Edward.

Those airport TSA full-body scanners are really thorough and invasive; one actually detected some dancing talent in Bristol Palin.

TMZ has published the text messages between Charlie Sheen and his porn star, Capri Anderson, the night of their incident. Like the message Charlie sent that started their fight: “WTF do U mean Jon Cryer is bigger?”

The Pittsburgh Steelers are upset over the relatively small fine, $25,000, Oakland Raider, Richard Seymour received for punching Ben Roethlisberger in the face. Roethlisberger is particularly upset because he has to pay a lot more than that when he punches a girl in the face.

Bristol Palin was finally knocked off “Dancing with the Stars.” Bristol knocked off “Dancing with the Stars.” We’re just happy Bristol wasn’t knocked-up on “Dancing with the Stars.”

We found out what caused the mortar attack from North Korea on South Korea; North Korea didn’t want South Korea to put walnuts in the Thanksgiving turkey stuffing.

We found out what caused the mortar attack from North Korea on South Korea; It’s an old feud, see South Korea is team Jacob, and North Korea is team: “Holy crap, Kim Jong Il is crazy.”

In France, a woman was trapped in a bathroom for three weeks; to show you how desperate and bored she became, the French woman took a bath.

Her American neighbor became suspicious when the French woman hadn’t been rude to her for weeks.

We found out what caused the mortar attack from North Korea on South Korea; North Korea planned to invade South Korea because they were short on supplies of the traditional Korean Thanksgiving feast: Beagle.