Happy 34th birthday yesterday to Alex Rodriguez. It was sweet, Madonna sent him a thoughtful Hallmark card with a five dollar bill in it.
Michael Phelps lost his first race in four years finishing second in the 200 Freestyle at the World Championships in Rome; Thus proving, once and for all, marijuana is not a performance enhancing drug.
Michael Vick has been reinstated in the NFL. My yellow Labrador, Wrigley, feels Vick should only be reinstated if and when Wrigley’s testicles are reinstated to his scrotum.
Former NFL running back, Travis Henry, has been sentenced to three years in prison for drug trafficking; Travis also has 11 children with 10 women, so Henry faces the lesser charge of impersonating a South Carolina Governor.
Former NFL running back, Travis Henry, has been sentenced to three years in prison for drug trafficking; Travis has 11 children with 10 women, sending a guy with 11 kids with 10 mothers to prison for three years is like sentencing Kirsty Alley to a hot dog eating contest.
The Gay Games are underway in Denmark. The Gay Games are just like the Olympics except for the motto’s, the Olympic motto is “Faster, Higher, Stronger” the Gay Games motto is “Fiercer, Fiercer, Fiercer.”
Convicted dog-fighter, Michael Vick, has been reinstated to the NFL. Apparently NFL stands for Nefarious Felons Legitimate.
In fitness news, Bill Clinton spoke at CDC’s Weight of the Nation conference. Clinton has personal experience in handling obesity, specifically handling chubby female interns.
Third place Tour De France finisher Lance Armstrong is writing testy Twitter comments about the winner, Alberto Contador. Like this one. “AC? LA. R U my BFF? Not! OMG, LOL.”
San Diego's downtown music festival Street Scene is adding Public Enemy to the roster; in a related story, there are now many security positions suddenly available for Street Scene.
Since you asked:
Nobody thinks they are a douche bag. So how come every time I drive someplace I run across at least one or two? Sometimes more.
(Although I honestly know there are no a.l.B.b. readers who are douche bags, I am just venting)
The measure of somebody's douche bagginess can be directly proportional to how much they don't comprehend - or choose to follow - the concept of the four way stop sign. If cars honk at you to stop or you seem to piss a lot of people off at four way stop signs? You're probably a douche bag.
It's simple, when your car comes to a complete stop - if it doesn't you're a douche bag - take a mental photo of the three cars there ahead of you. They get to go before you do. The cars that come after? You get to go ahead of them. Unless of course, they are - you got it - a douche bag.
My latest pet peeve are the people who come to the four way stop sign after me and before they even come to a full stop, they start giving me the douche bag wave, the four finger "come on, come on, come on" flap. To which I now return that four finger flap using only my two middle fingers.
Will that make a douche bag stop and think "Oh, right, he was here before me, I really am being a douche bag"? No, but it makes me feel better.
Your drink of choice is vinegar and water.
You like to say when the conversation gets around "America Idol" or "Two and a Half Men" "I don't have time to watch TV" even though you know you're lying.
You use your cell phone regularly in front of a captive audience.
You call someone before eight in the morning and after nine at night.
You part your name in the middle like John Wilkes Booth.
You use Dr. in your name and you are not a medical Doctor.
You are a Junior and you use it on your name. (For those trying to decide, that is three strikes on Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr.)
You gave your brat a hard to pronounce name and annoyingly insist people get it exactly right.
Your name has Trebek anywhere in it.
You mention your second home a lot.
Think about every single feature, look, characteristic or behavior of Steven Seagal, and if you have even one, you're a douche bag.
You talk about your car a lot.
You say the following a lot, "I have a good sense of humor, but . . ." Remember, with douche bags especially, everything before the but is B.S.
You make that Buddah hand prayer bowing gesture to thank people. A lot.
You get "You know who you remind me of? Alex Trebek" a lot.
You get, "You know who you remind me of? Steven Seagal" a lot.
Michael Phelps lost his first race in four years finishing second in the 200 Freestyle at the World Championships in Rome; Thus proving, once and for all, marijuana is not a performance enhancing drug.
Michael Vick has been reinstated in the NFL. My yellow Labrador, Wrigley, feels Vick should only be reinstated if and when Wrigley’s testicles are reinstated to his scrotum.
Former NFL running back, Travis Henry, has been sentenced to three years in prison for drug trafficking; Travis also has 11 children with 10 women, so Henry faces the lesser charge of impersonating a South Carolina Governor.
Former NFL running back, Travis Henry, has been sentenced to three years in prison for drug trafficking; Travis has 11 children with 10 women, sending a guy with 11 kids with 10 mothers to prison for three years is like sentencing Kirsty Alley to a hot dog eating contest.
The Gay Games are underway in Denmark. The Gay Games are just like the Olympics except for the motto’s, the Olympic motto is “Faster, Higher, Stronger” the Gay Games motto is “Fiercer, Fiercer, Fiercer.”
Convicted dog-fighter, Michael Vick, has been reinstated to the NFL. Apparently NFL stands for Nefarious Felons Legitimate.
In fitness news, Bill Clinton spoke at CDC’s Weight of the Nation conference. Clinton has personal experience in handling obesity, specifically handling chubby female interns.
Third place Tour De France finisher Lance Armstrong is writing testy Twitter comments about the winner, Alberto Contador. Like this one. “AC? LA. R U my BFF? Not! OMG, LOL.”
San Diego's downtown music festival Street Scene is adding Public Enemy to the roster; in a related story, there are now many security positions suddenly available for Street Scene.
Since you asked:
Nobody thinks they are a douche bag. So how come every time I drive someplace I run across at least one or two? Sometimes more.
(Although I honestly know there are no a.l.B.b. readers who are douche bags, I am just venting)
The measure of somebody's douche bagginess can be directly proportional to how much they don't comprehend - or choose to follow - the concept of the four way stop sign. If cars honk at you to stop or you seem to piss a lot of people off at four way stop signs? You're probably a douche bag.
It's simple, when your car comes to a complete stop - if it doesn't you're a douche bag - take a mental photo of the three cars there ahead of you. They get to go before you do. The cars that come after? You get to go ahead of them. Unless of course, they are - you got it - a douche bag.
My latest pet peeve are the people who come to the four way stop sign after me and before they even come to a full stop, they start giving me the douche bag wave, the four finger "come on, come on, come on" flap. To which I now return that four finger flap using only my two middle fingers.
Will that make a douche bag stop and think "Oh, right, he was here before me, I really am being a douche bag"? No, but it makes me feel better.
Top signs you are a douche bag.
Your drink of choice is vinegar and water.
You like to say when the conversation gets around "America Idol" or "Two and a Half Men" "I don't have time to watch TV" even though you know you're lying.
You use your cell phone regularly in front of a captive audience.
You call someone before eight in the morning and after nine at night.
You part your name in the middle like John Wilkes Booth.
You use Dr. in your name and you are not a medical Doctor.
You are a Junior and you use it on your name. (For those trying to decide, that is three strikes on Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr.)
You gave your brat a hard to pronounce name and annoyingly insist people get it exactly right.
Your name has Trebek anywhere in it.
You mention your second home a lot.
Think about every single feature, look, characteristic or behavior of Steven Seagal, and if you have even one, you're a douche bag.
You talk about your car a lot.
You say the following a lot, "I have a good sense of humor, but . . ." Remember, with douche bags especially, everything before the but is B.S.
You make that Buddah hand prayer bowing gesture to thank people. A lot.
You get "You know who you remind me of? Alex Trebek" a lot.
You get, "You know who you remind me of? Steven Seagal" a lot.
posted by Alex at
12:33 PM
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