Ich Lex, I'm runnin' mit da big dogs, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Hillary Clinton is recovering very well from her broken elbow. As part of Hillary Clinton's physical therapy, doctors have her repeatedly squeeze a ball. She has already destroyed quite a few because Hillary loves to bust balls.

There is high speculation that Prince William will propose this summer to his girlfriend, Kate Middleton. Like that Kate, she is pretty and classy, but she also looks like a girl who, during sex, can say; "Say my name, bitch," without taking the lit Marlboro out of her mouth.

That Kate Middleton looks like the kind of girl who can play a mean game of "Guess where my panties are not."

That Kate Middleton looks like the kind of girl who can make polite conversation at a formal dinner while conducting unspeakable activities with her date under the table cloth.

That Kate Middleton is very pretty and refined, but I would not be shocked to discover she has a lower back/butt tattoo that says "Next, please".

That Kate Middleton is a the picture of sophistication, but it wouldn't shock me to discover she has joined the mile high club while the plane was still on the runway.

That Kate Middleton looks like the kind of girl who will steal a guy's drink at a bar, swig it down, and, when he complains, tell him; "Fine, so spank me."

Love that Kate Middleton, but she strikes me as the kind of girl who likes to dress up as a hooker on Halloween and when a guy says. "Nice costume." She blows smoke in his face and says; "What costume?"


Although she is the personification of English sophistication, why can I easily picture Kate Middleton with a scotch in one hand, a cigarette in her mouth and cracking a whip with the other hand while yelling; "Pants off for Mommy"?

Last week was the 40th anniversary of the moon landing and all three astronauts met with President Obama. They told him the moon was scary, cold, barren, kind of like Hillary Clinton.