Word out on the street is that a word shouldn’t be out in the street, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Forensic experts say David Carradine didn’t try and commit suicide. He did, however, try and choke his chicken.
Former 1998 San Diego Charger 2nd draft pick and NFL washout, Ryan Leaf, is wanted by the police in Texas. This marks the first time the words wanted and Ryan Leaf have appeared together since 1998.
The first concert at the new Cowboys stadium - at a George Strait concert - resulted in 21 arrests. This sets the record for most arrests at a Cowboy stadium previously held by Adam "Pacman" Jones.
Last Thursday Toronto's Alex Rios struck out in all five plate appearances. This is the second time Rios has struck out in all five plate appearances, a strike out record that breaks the old strike out record set when a Star Trek Convention was held at the same hotel complex as a Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest.
Happy 76th Birthday to Joan Rivers. Joan's friends threw her a surprise party at which Rivers appeared very surprised, but, due to her many facelifts, Joan Rivers pretty much always looks very surprised.
Controversial anti-gay sex marriage proponent and accidental topless model, Carrie Prejean, was fired as Miss California by pageant officials for dereliction of her duties. Prejean said she didn't mean to blow off her duties, the wind accidentally blew them away.
Despite being out after the 2007 season, Sammy Sosa announced he is considering announcing his retirement from baseball; in a related story, Dennis Kucinich is seriously considering conceding the 2008 presidential election to Barack Obama.
Boston Red Sox’s David Ortiz passed an eye exam so eyesight is not to blame for his season-long slump. Gosh, so what could make a player’s home run total plummet the exact same time Major League Baseball is cracking down on performance enhancing drugs? Shoot, I feel like I should know this one. Nope, I don’t get it.
Since you asked:
Sarah Palin is furious at David Letterman at jokes he made she alleges were about her 14-year-old daughter that Letterman clearly intended for her formerly pregnant 18-year-old daughter, Bristol. Are we supposed to believe Palin isn’t smart enough to figure that out? Oh, yeah.
In my history, from time to time, we have had public figures who were incapable of not issuing idiotic statements. The boozed-up wife of that sinister criminal, Watergate figure, John Mitchell, Margaret Mitchell, Jimmy Carter’s mother and brother and obviously Jesse Jackson.
But never have there been so many celebrities and political types who simply cannot shut their stupid yappers. And they fall on all sides of the political and celebrity spectrum: Michael Moore, Donald Trump, Rush Limbaugh, Joe Biden, Howard Stern, John Edwards, Paris Hilton, Rosie O’Donnell, Star Jones, recently Dick Cheney and now Sarah Palin.
Maybe it is because of the increase in channels and coverage along with the expanded access of the Internet with Twitter, Blogs and facebook, amplifies and multiplies the amount of verbal stupidity that makes it to the press, but there sure seem to be more than ever an overdose of morons in front of microphones.
By the way, Morons with Microphones is my new band.
Julia Louis Dreyfus told a hilarious story on Letterman about a year ago.
Julia decided to splurge and order an in house leg waxing appointment in honor of her upcoming appearance on Dave's show. Apparently the deal included a bikini/Brazilian total wax, if you know what I mean . . . ("Just what did you think was going to happen out here?" Dave quipped)
As the woman was applying the wax to Julia's, ahem, lady business, the woman proclaimed in a vague European accent;
"My, thees ees such a luffly (lovely) area."
Embarrassed and a little flattered, Dreyfus thanked her. The European waxer pressed on;
"No, I am being the serious, thees is such a beeeee-yooouuuuu-tiful area." ("It seems" Letterman quipped again, "you made a friend.")
Now more worried than flattered, Dreyfus somewhat curtly said; "Thanks . . . again."
Undaunted, the woman continued;
"No, really, thees ees a gorgeous area . . . the beach, the ocean, the palm trees, the hills, the mountains . . ."
Forensic experts say David Carradine didn’t try and commit suicide. He did, however, try and choke his chicken.
Former 1998 San Diego Charger 2nd draft pick and NFL washout, Ryan Leaf, is wanted by the police in Texas. This marks the first time the words wanted and Ryan Leaf have appeared together since 1998.
The first concert at the new Cowboys stadium - at a George Strait concert - resulted in 21 arrests. This sets the record for most arrests at a Cowboy stadium previously held by Adam "Pacman" Jones.
Last Thursday Toronto's Alex Rios struck out in all five plate appearances. This is the second time Rios has struck out in all five plate appearances, a strike out record that breaks the old strike out record set when a Star Trek Convention was held at the same hotel complex as a Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest.
Happy 76th Birthday to Joan Rivers. Joan's friends threw her a surprise party at which Rivers appeared very surprised, but, due to her many facelifts, Joan Rivers pretty much always looks very surprised.
Controversial anti-gay sex marriage proponent and accidental topless model, Carrie Prejean, was fired as Miss California by pageant officials for dereliction of her duties. Prejean said she didn't mean to blow off her duties, the wind accidentally blew them away.
Despite being out after the 2007 season, Sammy Sosa announced he is considering announcing his retirement from baseball; in a related story, Dennis Kucinich is seriously considering conceding the 2008 presidential election to Barack Obama.
Boston Red Sox’s David Ortiz passed an eye exam so eyesight is not to blame for his season-long slump. Gosh, so what could make a player’s home run total plummet the exact same time Major League Baseball is cracking down on performance enhancing drugs? Shoot, I feel like I should know this one. Nope, I don’t get it.
Since you asked:
Sarah Palin is furious at David Letterman at jokes he made she alleges were about her 14-year-old daughter that Letterman clearly intended for her formerly pregnant 18-year-old daughter, Bristol. Are we supposed to believe Palin isn’t smart enough to figure that out? Oh, yeah.
In my history, from time to time, we have had public figures who were incapable of not issuing idiotic statements. The boozed-up wife of that sinister criminal, Watergate figure, John Mitchell, Margaret Mitchell, Jimmy Carter’s mother and brother and obviously Jesse Jackson.
But never have there been so many celebrities and political types who simply cannot shut their stupid yappers. And they fall on all sides of the political and celebrity spectrum: Michael Moore, Donald Trump, Rush Limbaugh, Joe Biden, Howard Stern, John Edwards, Paris Hilton, Rosie O’Donnell, Star Jones, recently Dick Cheney and now Sarah Palin.
Maybe it is because of the increase in channels and coverage along with the expanded access of the Internet with Twitter, Blogs and facebook, amplifies and multiplies the amount of verbal stupidity that makes it to the press, but there sure seem to be more than ever an overdose of morons in front of microphones.
By the way, Morons with Microphones is my new band.
Julia Louis Dreyfus told a hilarious story on Letterman about a year ago.
Julia decided to splurge and order an in house leg waxing appointment in honor of her upcoming appearance on Dave's show. Apparently the deal included a bikini/Brazilian total wax, if you know what I mean . . . ("Just what did you think was going to happen out here?" Dave quipped)
As the woman was applying the wax to Julia's, ahem, lady business, the woman proclaimed in a vague European accent;
"My, thees ees such a luffly (lovely) area."
Embarrassed and a little flattered, Dreyfus thanked her. The European waxer pressed on;
"No, I am being the serious, thees is such a beeeee-yooouuuuu-tiful area." ("It seems" Letterman quipped again, "you made a friend.")
Now more worried than flattered, Dreyfus somewhat curtly said; "Thanks . . . again."
Undaunted, the woman continued;
"No, really, thees ees a gorgeous area . . . the beach, the ocean, the palm trees, the hills, the mountains . . ."
posted by Alex at
1:30 PM
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