Friday, June 12, 2009

This just in:

Brett Favre may come out of retirement to play for the Minnesota Vikings, which I think is fascinating because when you cleverly jumble up the letters in Brett Favre and Minnesota Vikings it spells: For crying out loud would you please stay retired and go away you pain-in-the-ass primma donna?

Or something like that . . .

In sad news, Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Doug from "The Hills" have broken up. Paris said she wants to see other people. Specifically Argentina.

Chastity Bono, 40-year-old daughter of Cher and Sonny Bono, is going to have a sex change operation to become a man. "I got one, babe."

Why do I get the feeling somewhere right now, Sonny is kind of glad he didn't wear a ski helmet?

Cher looks excited about the sex change operation for Chastity. Of course, with all of her facelifts, Cher looks excited about just about everything.

Since you asked:

This Letterman V. Palin thing is officially ugly. Letterman clearly intended to make a rather off-color joke about Elliot Spitzer impregnating Palin's daughter, Bristol, who, because of the Palins propping her up for the campaign and sending her out to speak about abstinence, and because she is 18, is a fair target. She was pregnant at 16 and now she is the face of abstinence? That's like making Amy Winehouse the face of discipline.

But Letterman apologized and clarified that point. Letterman never intended to joke about Palin's 14-year-old daughter, Willow. But the Palins continue to attack and they keep bringing up that point. OK, fine. You know what happened the last time a Republican messed with Letterman? Ask John McCain. And McCain is a whole ton smarter than Sarah Palin.

On the other hand, I think one of the biggest - if maybe the only - big mistake Letterman has made on his show is to air his political bias. Johnny Carson never did that, Leno never did that. Why alienate a big portion of your audience? You also lose one side of the political parties you can make jokes about. And when you do joke about the side you don't like, it appears to be a cheap shot.

And I have to agree with Leno's mafia policy about jokes: no kids and pets.

It seems obvious Palin is using this manufactured outrage to give some free publicity to her pipeline deal with Texas and Exxon. How sleazy is that? Throwing your 14-year-old daughter under Letterman's bus to pimp some pork? Now that is shameless.

And Palin does look like a slutty flight attendant. Who said looking like a sluttly flight attendant is a bad thing? There is not one thing wrong with slutty flight attendants. We love slutty flight attendants.

Regardless of politics, I think John McCain is a flat out good man. What he found out the hard way, much to his chagrin, is what Palin continues to prove with this Letterman spat, and that is Palin is a wildly ambitious, horribly under-intelligent publicity whore.

But not a slutty flight attendant.