You ever have folks fightin’ over you? Feels pretty good, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

“Slumdog Millionaire” won best movie at the Oscars.
Now don’t confuse “Slumdog Millionaire” with the documentary on Bernard Madoff; “Scumbag Billionaire.”


I don’t want to say the opening of the Oscars was gay, but . . .
Afterwards “The Wrestler’s” Mickey Rourke signed to do the movie “The Choreographer.”


The good news is that Sean Penn won the best actor Oscar for “Milk”
The bad news? Today the movie “Milk” was found to have trace elements of Chinese lead.


Since you asked:


So check this out, Slats and Nugglies . . .

Yes, I am a huge fan of the Bonnie “We’re waking, we’re walking” Hunt as well as “The Bonnie Hunt Show” and no, I do not have a uterus, thanks for asking. The woman is, in my mind, the greatest seventh inning stretch guest on WGN during Cubs games ever. Not only is she a hilarious interview, but, to quote Jackson Browne, that girl can sing.

And so are my daughter Ann Caroline and my lovely wife and her mother, Virg, fans of Bonnie’s show as well. So I record the show and we, from time to time, watch it during or before dinner. It is very cute and funny.

They have a caption contest on the show and Ann Caroline excitedly asked me to enter sweetly predicting I would win. Well, in all modesty, I am good with captions and like to enter caption contests and I have won every one I have entered with one huge exception: “The New Yorker” cartoon caption contest. I write that off to too many entries, so I was hesitant to get Ann Caroline’s hopes up.

First week I entered “TBHS” caption contest, nothing. Second week, nothing, not even the top three finalist. Then they went on hiatus so I entered, waited two weeks and, bam. Guess who won the latest “The Bonnie Hunt Show” caption contest*? (Google “The Bonnie Hunt Show” and go down to the bottom)

So I knew that I had won because I checked online. Then I watched the recording and it was very fun and flattering – my caption won by a fair amount – so while I fixed roast beef sandguidos for the three of us, I casually played the show as if none the wiser.

Bonnie reads mine last of the final three and Ann Caroline goes bonkers. For someone who spends so much time bursting with pride at AC’s accomplishments in school, with her many friends and on the soccer field, it was nice to have it go the other way for a change.

But after Bonnie read all three captions for the first time, she repeats them for the audience to vote. AC launched into the most shameless shill ever booing the first two brutally while cheering hysterically for my caption.

It was pretty cute.

* The picture is an adorable little about-five-year-old girl leading a handsome if not a little scary-looking huge brown Mastiff on a leash taken at the Westminster Dog Show. My caption:

“Sadly, Susie’s dog, Lucy, was disqualified from the dog show after the Chihuahua tested positive for steroids.”