Stompin’ whompin’ chompin’ and rompin’, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Hey, what the . . ?
A Tucson TV station mistakenly broadcasted ten seconds of pornography during the Super Bowl. Guys called in to complain. They complained it was about ten seconds too short.
It was the most obscene thing to happen during a football game since USC trounced Oregon State and the announcer said; “The Trojans are really pounding the Beavers.”
Different rodent
Yesterday was the day that flea-bitten rodent sticks his head out, sees his shadow and goes back inside for six more weeks. Not the ground hog, Bernie Madoff during house arrest.
Mental health day
Did you know the day after the Super Bowl is the day that the most people call in sick to miss work? Yeah, even in the porn industry. “Yeah, this is “Triple X” Rex, tell Amber and Heather I’m not feeling well enough to work on “Naughty Sorority Girls” today.”
Tough times
It was sad to see how the economy affected the Super Bowl. In a cheap product placement stunt, the referee’s flag was replaced with a ShamWOW. And John Madden broadcasted the entire game wearing a Snuggie.
What the . . .?, 2
Did you see Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band’s halftime performance? It was great. But what the heck was that Silvio guy from “The Sopranos” doing playing the guitar?
Couldn’t do that
London had a rare snowstorm. It was so snowy people couldn’t make it to the orthodontists they don’t even have.
Hairy
With players like the Steeler’s Troy Polamalu’s long flowing black hair and Cardinal Larry Fitzgerald’s long dred locks, this is the hairiest Super Bowl on record and that isn’t even counting John Madden’s eyebrows.
Tough times, 2
It was sad to see how the economy affected the Super Bowl. At a Tampa Bay nightclub, New York Giant Plaxico Burris could only afford to shoot blanks into his sweat pants.
At a Tampa Bay strip club, Adam “Pacman” Jones could not afford to make it rain, he could only afford to make it misty.
Coached
Have you noticed on “American Idol” that former softy Paula Abdul has gotten tougher and the cranky Simon Cowell is trying to grow a heart? You can tell they’re being well coached. Even Ryan Seacrest is pretending to like women more believably.
Did you see Ryan Seacrest dancing with the winning contestants on “American Idol”? He may not be gay. Only a straight guy can dance that badly.
Prez prediction
President Barack Obama was for the winning Pittsburgh Steelers in the Super Bowl. This is the first time in a long time a president has taken sides. President Bush was a baseball guy and President Clinton only cared about the Victoria Secret Lingerie Bowl.
That explains it
Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps apologized for pictures in a British tabloid that showed him smoking pot from a bong. And here we thought those eyes were red from the water.
Since you asked:
A bit I proposed for one of my radio stations was “How soon can I make you cry?” It consisted of playing the "Brian’s Song" theme while narrating in the gruff voice of the great Jack Warden:
“Ernest Hemingway once wrote all true stories end in death. This is a true story about Brian Piccolo. But it is not about how he died. It is about how he lived. Oh how he lived.”
You would be amazed how many people call in balling.
One of the biggest-hearted people I have had the pleasure of knowing was my first girlfriend, Betsy Fox. (Is it possible to have a better name for your first girlfriend? I don’t think so) We had our sophomore football banquet the night “Brian’s Song” first aired. When I got home – this is before answering machines- the phone rang. My Dad smiled and said; “I think it’s for you.”
The first ten minutes of the phone call was listening to Betsy openly sob after watching "Brian's Song." When she could finally speak she said;
“Wh, wh, wh, wh, why did I have to start going with a fffootball ppppplayer now? Wahhh.”
Well now we can beat that.
The radio show I write for, “The Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw Show” on KGB had Dave talking about “My Dog Skip” and how it reduced him to flowing hot little girl tears for one hour. Then they played the narration at the end by Harry Connick Jr. as Skipper’s grown up owner, the author Willie Morris, while he was attending Oxford:
“I received a transatlantic call today. My Daddy said Skipper died. They wrapped him in my baseball jacket and buried him by our elm tree. But that wasn’t exactly true for he really lay buried in my heart.”
Good thing I had just dropped Ann Caroline off at school when they played that sound bite because I didn’t want her to see her tough brave Daddy balling like a drunken jilted debutant.
But then I sent in this e-mail:
Dear Dave:
If you think you cried during “My Dog Skip” like I did, you will explode into a puddle of tears during “Marley & Me.” I cried like the little sorry bitch that I am when Jennifer Anniston said;
“Goodbye clearance puppy.”
Damn it, there it goes again.
What is it about these goofy-assed fuzzy dogs? By the way, yesterday was our own ground hog’s birfy days. Happy sixth birthday to Wrigley Telluride Kaseberg, the dunderheaded hound doggy-looking yellow lab what ain’t got no sense.
But he is awful cute, just like our look-of-worried-concern bear, Inspector Kasey.
They is our knuckleheads is what they is. Think I'll go rub a couple of doggy tummies.
Hey, what the . . ?
A Tucson TV station mistakenly broadcasted ten seconds of pornography during the Super Bowl. Guys called in to complain. They complained it was about ten seconds too short.
It was the most obscene thing to happen during a football game since USC trounced Oregon State and the announcer said; “The Trojans are really pounding the Beavers.”
Different rodent
Yesterday was the day that flea-bitten rodent sticks his head out, sees his shadow and goes back inside for six more weeks. Not the ground hog, Bernie Madoff during house arrest.
Mental health day
Did you know the day after the Super Bowl is the day that the most people call in sick to miss work? Yeah, even in the porn industry. “Yeah, this is “Triple X” Rex, tell Amber and Heather I’m not feeling well enough to work on “Naughty Sorority Girls” today.”
Tough times
It was sad to see how the economy affected the Super Bowl. In a cheap product placement stunt, the referee’s flag was replaced with a ShamWOW. And John Madden broadcasted the entire game wearing a Snuggie.
What the . . .?, 2
Did you see Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band’s halftime performance? It was great. But what the heck was that Silvio guy from “The Sopranos” doing playing the guitar?
Couldn’t do that
London had a rare snowstorm. It was so snowy people couldn’t make it to the orthodontists they don’t even have.
Hairy
With players like the Steeler’s Troy Polamalu’s long flowing black hair and Cardinal Larry Fitzgerald’s long dred locks, this is the hairiest Super Bowl on record and that isn’t even counting John Madden’s eyebrows.
Tough times, 2
It was sad to see how the economy affected the Super Bowl. At a Tampa Bay nightclub, New York Giant Plaxico Burris could only afford to shoot blanks into his sweat pants.
At a Tampa Bay strip club, Adam “Pacman” Jones could not afford to make it rain, he could only afford to make it misty.
Coached
Have you noticed on “American Idol” that former softy Paula Abdul has gotten tougher and the cranky Simon Cowell is trying to grow a heart? You can tell they’re being well coached. Even Ryan Seacrest is pretending to like women more believably.
Did you see Ryan Seacrest dancing with the winning contestants on “American Idol”? He may not be gay. Only a straight guy can dance that badly.
Prez prediction
President Barack Obama was for the winning Pittsburgh Steelers in the Super Bowl. This is the first time in a long time a president has taken sides. President Bush was a baseball guy and President Clinton only cared about the Victoria Secret Lingerie Bowl.
That explains it
Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps apologized for pictures in a British tabloid that showed him smoking pot from a bong. And here we thought those eyes were red from the water.
Since you asked:
A bit I proposed for one of my radio stations was “How soon can I make you cry?” It consisted of playing the "Brian’s Song" theme while narrating in the gruff voice of the great Jack Warden:
“Ernest Hemingway once wrote all true stories end in death. This is a true story about Brian Piccolo. But it is not about how he died. It is about how he lived. Oh how he lived.”
You would be amazed how many people call in balling.
One of the biggest-hearted people I have had the pleasure of knowing was my first girlfriend, Betsy Fox. (Is it possible to have a better name for your first girlfriend? I don’t think so) We had our sophomore football banquet the night “Brian’s Song” first aired. When I got home – this is before answering machines- the phone rang. My Dad smiled and said; “I think it’s for you.”
The first ten minutes of the phone call was listening to Betsy openly sob after watching "Brian's Song." When she could finally speak she said;
“Wh, wh, wh, wh, why did I have to start going with a fffootball ppppplayer now? Wahhh.”
Well now we can beat that.
The radio show I write for, “The Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw Show” on KGB had Dave talking about “My Dog Skip” and how it reduced him to flowing hot little girl tears for one hour. Then they played the narration at the end by Harry Connick Jr. as Skipper’s grown up owner, the author Willie Morris, while he was attending Oxford:
“I received a transatlantic call today. My Daddy said Skipper died. They wrapped him in my baseball jacket and buried him by our elm tree. But that wasn’t exactly true for he really lay buried in my heart.”
Good thing I had just dropped Ann Caroline off at school when they played that sound bite because I didn’t want her to see her tough brave Daddy balling like a drunken jilted debutant.
But then I sent in this e-mail:
Dear Dave:
If you think you cried during “My Dog Skip” like I did, you will explode into a puddle of tears during “Marley & Me.” I cried like the little sorry bitch that I am when Jennifer Anniston said;
“Goodbye clearance puppy.”
Damn it, there it goes again.
What is it about these goofy-assed fuzzy dogs? By the way, yesterday was our own ground hog’s birfy days. Happy sixth birthday to Wrigley Telluride Kaseberg, the dunderheaded hound doggy-looking yellow lab what ain’t got no sense.
But he is awful cute, just like our look-of-worried-concern bear, Inspector Kasey.
They is our knuckleheads is what they is. Think I'll go rub a couple of doggy tummies.
posted by Alex at
10:03 AM
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