We real to the deal ‘til it surreal up in this wheel, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Look who’s talking?
John Kerry is getting heat for telling a John McCain diaper joke; which is ironic because Kerry is the only one who has soiled himself during a presidential election.

Now eligible
Miss Teen Louisiana, Lindsay Evans, 18, lost her crown after she was arrested for running out on a restaurant bill only to return for her forgotten purse in which police found marijuana. Although no longer Miss Teen Louisiana, Evans is now eligible to become Miss Dumb-ass Trailer Trash.

Huh?
The San Diego Chargers face the New Orleans Saints in London Sunday. The English fans can’t wait for the tilt on the pitch where the Yankee droogs don their kits and go aggro on each other like a runaway lorry lining up in cue to gobsmack each other until Bob’s your Uncle.

Thanks but no thanks
Joe Biden is saying that if Barack Obama is elected, he will get tested by a huge foreign crisis – most likely terrorists - when he becomes president. Here’s my question: Did Biden forget who the hell he is supposed to campaign for? Did somebody tighten his hair plugs too tight? Did they tuck his last eye tuck too much?

Home team?
The San Diego Chargers play the New Orleans Saints in London Sunday and the Saints are pronounced the home team. Who made that geographically-challenged decision, President Bush?

Since you asked:

OK, Hollyweird, (Heh, he said Hollyweird) you are officially on notice. If you somehow manage to screw up John Grogan’s “Marley and Me” you will be standing tall before the man facing the wrath of Lex. “The Wrath Of Khan”? A panty raid compared to the wrath of Lex.

Since I was a kid I was painfully aware of Hollywood’s ability to screw up bulletproof books. Dan Jenkins hilarious “Semi Tough” is a great example. That would have been “Butch and Sundance the Comedy in Cleats” if they didn’t screw it up. Instead, Burt Reynolds got his moronic, megalomaniac hands all over that thing and ruined the story beyond recognition.

By the way, they are remaking all of these movies that don’t need remakes, like “The In-Laws” and “The Heartbreak Kid” why don’t they remake one that does, specifically, “Semi Tough”?

“M&M” looks promising with Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston as the leads, but who knows? As much as I think she is talented and gorgeous – I have been a fan/stalker of hers since she was a kid on “The Julie Brown Show” - Jennifer Anniston is not exactly synonymous with watch-able movies. “Friends with Money”? "The Breakup”?

And if Marley isn’t a dead ringer for our beloved boneheaded Wrigley, I will feel ill-used.

And, trust me, you want zero part of an ill-used Lex.